Catholic Jokes



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Catholic Jokes


How did the Catholic priest finish the marathon?

He was second to nun.

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How many Catholics can you fit in a habit?

Nun.

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What do you call a sleep walking Nun?

A Roamin’ Catholic.

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What do you call a Catholic priest who became a lawyer?

A father-in-law.

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How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Nun.

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A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.

The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.

A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms and a pen.

She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

β€œDo you have health insurance?” she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, β€œNo health insurance.”

The nun asked, β€œDo you have money in the bank?”

He replied, β€œNo money in the bank.”

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.

He said, β€œI only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, β€œNuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”

The patient replied, β€œPerfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”

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Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says β€œConvert to Christianity and we’ll give you $100.”

The one says to the other, β€œShould we do it?”

The other says β€œNo! Are you crazy?”

The first guy replies β€œHey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I’m gonna do it.”

So he walks into the church, and a little while later, he walks back out.

The friend says β€œWell, did you get the money?”

He replies β€œOh that’s all you people think about, isn’t it?”

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