Enjoy our team's carefully selected Candy Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Person 1: “I like Eminem.”
Person 2: “Well, I prefer Skittles.”
Person 1: “No, I meant the rapper.”
Person 2: “Why would you eat the wrapper?”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Venice.”
“Venice, who?”
“Venice Halloween candy coming out?!”
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One night, a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures, and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish,” said God.
“Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy, and I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing. I feel content in all ways,” said the nun.
“There must be something you would have of me,” said God.
“Well, there is one thing,” she said.
“Just name it,” said God.
“It’s those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop.”
“Consider it done,” said God. “Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you.”
“There is one thing. But it’s really small, and not worth your time,” said the nun.
“Name it. Please,” said God.
“It’s the M&M’s,” said the nun. “They’re so hard to peel.”
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What is red, white, and blue?
A sad candy cane.
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What do dentists hand out at Halloween?
Candy. It’s good for business.
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When I was a kid I could go to the store with only $5 and come home with bread, milk, hot dogs and my favorite candy.
You can’t do that these days...
Too many damned security cameras.
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which is the most feminine candy?
it’s Hershey!
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Why did M&M go to University?
Because he wanted to be a Smartie.
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What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend?
A PayDay.
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Why did the candy bar cross the road?
Because he was choco-LATE for the bus!
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Which is the clumsiest candy bar?
A Butterfinger!
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Which candy bar is handsome, talented, rich, and lacks for nothing?
A Bounty-ful!
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What do you get when you cross a red racing car, nuts, and chocolate?
A Ferrari Rocher!
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How do you know that workers in factory that produces M&M’s are protesting?
They start painting the m letters upside-down.
How do you know that workers in factory that produces M&M’s are protesting really hard?
They paint the m letters on the wrong side of the chocolate candy.
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Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench, eating six bars of chocolate.
A man walked up and noticed Johnny devouring the sweets.
“Son,” said the man, “eating too much candy isn’t good for you.”
“My grandfather lived to be 100,” Johnny replies.
“Did he eat six chocolate bars a day, too?” the man asks.
“No,” said Johnny, “He minded his own damn business!”
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There was a candy party, guess who was late as usual?
Choco-late.
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Archaeologists have uncovered a mummy in Egypt covered in nuts and chocolate.
They believe it’s Pharaoh Roche.
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Last Halloween there was a knock on the door.
I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, “Honey there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”
She shouted back, “Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”
My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.
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I’m not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
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Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?
He didn’t have the stomach for it!
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