Butt Jokes



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Butt Jokes


Yo daddy is so ugly that he looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.

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A bear, a wolf, and a moose fall into a trapping pit.

After a couple days with no food, the moose sees the wolf and bear whispering to each other.

The wolf turns to the moose and says, โ€œLook, the bear and I are both carnivores. Itโ€™s been a couple days without food. You understand, right?โ€

The moose says, โ€œYeah, I guess youโ€™re right. But, listen before you kill and eat me, can I just ask for one last request? There is this birthmark under my tail that supposedly looks like a word, but Iโ€™ve never known what it says. Do you think you could take a look and tell me?โ€

The wolf says, โ€œOf course.โ€

So the wolf and bear get close to the back of the moose and lift up his tail. Right at that moment, the moose gets up on his front legs and kicks both the wolf and bear in the chest.

The wolf is killed instantly. The bear is fatally wounded, and with his dying breath says, โ€œI donโ€™t even know why the hell I looked. I canโ€™t even read.โ€

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My wife has a whale tattooed on her butt.

It used to be a dolphin.

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Why did Thor sit comfortably on a cactus?

He has an Asgard.

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I went to see my doctor today with a lettuce stuck in my butt.

He just applied a dressing and sent me home.

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A guy goes to see a doctor.

Guy: โ€œDoc, I have a kingdom of ants inside my butt, and these be killing me, what can we do?โ€

Doc: โ€œGet a watermelon, sit on it, once the ant king gets a taste, heโ€™ll call his friends to join him out.โ€

And sure enough our guy does as instructed, after hours of watermelon sitting, the ant king comes out for a little taste.

The ant king: โ€œBOYS, BRING IT IN!โ€

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A guy walked into a bar with a monkey.

The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them.

Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.

He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.

To everyoneโ€™s amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole.

The bartender looked at the guy and said, โ€œDid you see what your monkey just did?โ€

โ€œNo, what?โ€

โ€œHe just ate the cue ball off my pool table โ€“ whole!โ€

โ€œYeah, that doesnโ€™t surprise me,โ€ replied the guy, โ€œHe eats everything in sight, donโ€™t worry, Iโ€™ll pay for the cue ball.โ€

The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the monkey ate, and left.

Two weeks later the guy came back and had his monkey with him.

He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar.

The monkey found a cherry on the bar.

He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and then ate it.

Then the monkey found a peanut and again stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it.

The bartender asked, โ€œDid you see what that filthy ape just did?โ€

โ€œNo, what?โ€ asked the man.

โ€œWell, he stuck both a cherry and a peanut up his arse, then he pulled them out and ate them.โ€

โ€œYeah, that doesnโ€™t surprise me,โ€ replied the guy. โ€œHeโ€™ll eat anything, but ever since he had to take out that cue ball, he measures everything first.โ€

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โ€œDude, guess what?โ€

โ€œWhat?โ€

โ€œI canโ€™t believe theyโ€™re still together after all that crap theyโ€™ve been through?โ€

โ€œWho?โ€

โ€œMy butt cheeks.โ€

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Saturn and Neptune are the butt cheeks of the solar system.

Uranus is between them.

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I love you with all my butt.

I would say my heart, but itโ€™s just not as big.

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