Broken Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Broken Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Broken Jokes


How does a broken ankle apologize?

β€œI’m sorry for being such a stumbling block.”

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What did one broken ankle say to the other?

β€œLet’s stay positive and get back on our feet!”

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Why did the broken leg go to school?

It wanted to learn how to breakdance.

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Why didΒ Taylor SwiftΒ bring a broken leg to her concert?

Because it wanted to experience firsthand the β€œbreak-up” songs she’s famous for.

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What happened when the pig pen broke?

They had to use the pig pencil.

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You are so dumb you returned a puzzle because it was broken.

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An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken.

He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit card.

So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke, β€œHey, send somebody to my location with $500!”

The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure in its meaning, signals back once again with the smoke, β€œOK, chief, but why so much?”

At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is being held on the test field nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky.

The tribe signals, β€œOK, OK, chief, we just wondered, why to be so angry?”

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What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?

They’re both pointless.

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Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because it’s pointless.

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An aircraft was traveling from LA to New York.

About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, β€œWe have lost one engine, but don’t worry, there are still three left. However, we will need seven hours to get to New York instead of five.”

A little later, the pilot announced, β€œAnother engine failed, but we still have two left. However, it will take 10 hours to get to New York.”

Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced, β€œA third engine was broken. Never fear because the plane’s still able to fly on one engine. However, it’ll take another 18 hours to get from here to New York.”

At this point, one passenger said, β€œGee, I hope we don’t lose that last engine, or we’ll be up here forever!”

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β€œHow long has your unit been broken?” says the specialist.

β€œTwo weeks,” says the customer.

β€œWhy did you wait so long?” says the specialist. This hot weather is no joke.”

β€œMy in-laws were here,” said the customer. β€œThey wanted to stay for a month.”

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An insurance agent visited his local museum and accidentally knocked over a statue.

The museum curator said to him, β€œThat’s a six hundred year old statue that you’ve broken!”

The insurance agent replied, β€œThank God for that! I thought it was a new one.”

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The best gift I ever got was a broken drum.

You can’t beat it.

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Today I asked my daughter for a phone book.

She said, β€œYou’re such a boomer,” and handed me her phone.

So, now, the spiders are dead, my daughter’s phone is broken and she’s really mad at me.

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In a house full of caffeine addicts, they found their coffee maker broken this morning.

And now there’s trouble brewing.

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My sister said to me, β€œMom wants you to help us fix Thanksgiving Day dinner.”

I said, β€œWhy? Is it broken?”

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What do you call a car wash that won’t wash cars anymore?

Broken.

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A hockey player was asked, β€œHow many accidents have you had in your career?”

The player responded, β€œNone for sure. I’ve had two concussions, lost all my front teeth, have had my nose broken four times, but they weren’t accidents. The opponents did it on purpose.”

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Two drunk guys walk into a hotel.

Skippering one word after another, they finally manage to make themselves understood by the girl at the reception.

β€œSo you want the cheapest double room we have, right? The only free one is on the 100th floor, but the elevator is broken.”

The two guys, in order not to spend the night sleeping on a bench, load their luggage and leave for the staircase.

Since one hundred floors, drunk and with heavy bags is a really tough challenge, they decide to tell a joke every five floors.

When they reach the fiftieth floor, one of them starts laughing.

β€œWhat happened? Have you remembered a very good joke?” asks the first.

β€œThis joke is just so hilarious! Actually, it’s so good that I’ll save it for later!” answers the second guy.

When they reach the 75th floor, the same guy bursts laughing even harder.

β€œAre you okay? Are you still thinking about that joke from earlier?” asks worried the first.

β€œYeah, but this one is soooooo good, I’ll save it for when we finish,” answers the other guy.

Finally, exhausted and tired, they reach the 100th floor.

Panting, the first boy asks, β€œSo, what is this joke that has tormented you so much?”

Still breathless, the other replies, β€œHey, do you remember the girl who was at the reception? Here, we left before she gave us the keys.”

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My friend and I decided to race our Ford Pintos.

Mine broke three miles down the road. I had to walk the rest of the way. I won.

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The sunflower couldn’t ride a bicycle anymore.

Its petals broke.

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How do you repair a broken jack o’ lantern?

Use a pumpkin patch.

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Every oven in the greasy hot dog restaurant was broken.

So the diners got a raw deal.

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I lost my watch at a party once.

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party.

Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.

β€œNo one does that to a woman, not on my watch!”

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Patient: β€œDoctor, doctor! I’ve broken my arm in three places!”

Doctor: β€œWell, stop going to those places then.”

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I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my PlayStation.

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A woman tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time.

β€œHow wonderful! I hope you don’t mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?”

β€œHe ate poisonous mushrooms and died.”

β€œOh, how tragic! What about your second husband?”

β€œHe also ate poisonous mushrooms and died.”

β€œOh, how terrible! I’m almost afraid to ask you about your third husband.”

β€œHe died of a broken neck.”

β€œA broken neck?”

β€œHe wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.”

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Your mama so dumb she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

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Yo mama so fat when she died she broke the stairway to heaven.

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