Bread Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Bread Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Bread Jokes


What do you call bread baked by a poet?

Poet-rye.

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The wife tried to scare her husband by leaving him a breakup letter after he returned home late.

She left a note, saying:

Iโ€™ve had enough and have left you. Donโ€™t bother coming after me.

Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while, her husband comes home, and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.

She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.

After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone.

โ€œSheโ€™s finally gone... Yeah, I know... Iโ€™m coming to see you... Put on that nightgown I like... Love you... Canโ€™t wait to see you...โ€

He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left.

She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed.

Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote.

โ€œI can see your feet. Weโ€™re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.โ€

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What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?

You deserve butter.

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Whatโ€™s Uranusโ€™ favorite type of bread?

Gas-tly sourdough.

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Why was the bread actor so unhappy?

She lost out on a juicy roll.

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What do you call a red-haired baker?

The ginger bread man.

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What is it called when two redheads have a kid?

Ginger bred.

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An old country gentleman sent his son off to engineering school.

Four years later, upon his sonโ€™s return, he asked him what he had learned at college.

The son replied, โ€œPi r square.โ€

The dad exclaimed, โ€œYou didnโ€™t learn nothinโ€™, boy! Pie are round, breadโ€™s square.โ€

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My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread.

โ€œAre we expecting guests?โ€ I asked.

โ€œNo,โ€ she replied.

โ€œThen why did you buy so much bread?โ€

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A wife sends her husband to the grocery store for a loaf of bread.

On his way out she says, โ€œAnd if they have eggs, get a dozen.โ€

The husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread...

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A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill.

He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.

The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.

โ€œThis is your doctor. Weโ€™ve had the results back from your tests, and weโ€™ve found you have an extremely nasty flu virus, which is extremely contagious!โ€

โ€œOh my gosh!โ€ cries the man. Heโ€™s in a panic now. โ€œWhat are you going to do, doctor?โ€

โ€œWell, weโ€™re going to put you on a diet of pancakes and pita bread.โ€

โ€œWill that cure me?โ€ asked the man, hopefully.

The doctor replied, โ€œWell, no, but... itโ€™s the only food we can get under the door.โ€

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Itโ€™s so hot, all the bread in the store is toast.

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A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Dominoโ€™s Pizza:

Customer: โ€œYoooo, I ordered a pizza and came with no toppings on it or anything, itโ€™s just bread!โ€

Dominoโ€™s: โ€œWeโ€™re sorry to hear about this.โ€

Customer (minutes later): โ€œNever mind, I opened the pizza upside down...โ€

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The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.

โ€œExcuse me for disturbing you, maโ€™am,โ€ he said politely, โ€œbut I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and Iโ€™ve noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s right.โ€

โ€œEvery day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake.โ€

โ€œWell, today is his birthday.โ€

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