Boat Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Boat Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Boat Jokes

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are out fishing in a boat on a big lake when the priest realizes that he has to go to the bathroom.

Not wanting to disturb the fishing of the others in the boat by having them take him to shore, he gets out of the boat, walks across the water to do his business, and then returns to the boat.

A little while later the minister has to go also and he does the same. He walks across the water, does his business, and returns across the water to the boat.

Finally, the rabbi feels the urge to go to the bathroom too, so he climbs out of the boat. But instead of walking across the water, he falls into the water and starts to wildly splash around.

The priest and the minister finally drag the rabbi back into the boat and the priest turns to the minister and says, β€œMaybe we should have told him where the rocks were.”

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I bought a boat because it was for sail.

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How does a tiger move a boat?

He uses roars.

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Why do β€œtug” boats push their barges?

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I’m going to host a boat race. The winner will get pasta.

It will be called the Penne Regatta.

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Do you know what really floats my boat?

Surface tension.

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What do you call a boat in training?

An apprenticeship.

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I can row a boat.


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What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?

Quatro sinko.

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When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat, he doesn’t get wet.

The water gets Chuck Norrised.

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A magician gets himself a parrot for his act.

After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows, saying things like β€œit’s under his hat”, β€œit’s up his sleeve”, β€œhis assistant has it”.

The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks.

The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end.

The parrot and the magician spend two days floating at sea without saying a word.

Finally the parrot says, β€œAlright, I give up. Where’s the boat?”

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Ole and Lena went fishing one day on a rented boat and were catching fish like crazy.

Lena said, β€œWe better mark this spot so we can come back tomorrow and catch more fish.”

Ole then proceeded to mark the bottom of the boat with a large β€œX”.

Lena asked him what he was doing, and Ole told her he was marking the spot so they could come back to catch more fish.

Lena said, β€œYou big dummy, how do you know we are going to get the same boat tomorrow?”

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Ole sadly died, so Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries.

The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.

Lena replied, β€œYou just put β€˜Ole died’.”

The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, β€œThat’s it? Just β€˜Ole died?’ Surely, there must be something more you’d like to say about Ole. If it’s money you’re concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more.”

So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, β€œOkay. You put β€˜Ole died. Boat for sale’.”

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Ole and Lena are out at the lake, getting ready to put the boat in the water. Lena driving and Ole standing in the pickup bed.

The brakes fail as Lena’s backing the boat into the lake, and the truck submerges.

Lena swims out the open window, but Ole doesn’t come up for the longest time.

Finally, up pops Ole. Lena asks him, β€œWhat took you so long?”

Ole replies, β€œOh, you know, that tailgate is hard to open!”

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Why does the North Korean navy have glass-bottom boats?

So they can see their air force.

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An atheist was rowing on Loch Ness in Scotland one day when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat.

He panicked and shouted, β€œGod, help me!” and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just froze.

A voice from the heavens boomed β€œYou say you don’t believe in me, but now you’re asking for my help?”

The atheist looked up and said, β€œWell, ten seconds ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness Monster either.”

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I was saddened to learn that my cousin was run over by a boat in Venice today.

I sent his family my gondolances.

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I bought a boat, and named it β€œThe Unpaid Intern”.

So now I tell people I have an unpaid intern-ship.

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Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of boats?

Because if they fell forwards, they’d still be in the boat.

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What happened when the red boat crashed into the blue boat?

The crews were marooned.

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Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their boats?

So when they come back to port they can...


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There are three guys on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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What do you call it when Shrek falls off a boat?


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On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore.

A helpless man, wearing a Montreal Canadiens jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.

As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing New York Rangers’ jerseys aboard.Β 

One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark’s side, while the other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Canadiens fan out of the water. Then, using baseball bats, the three heroes in blue beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat as well.

Immediately, the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach.

β€œI give you my blessing for your brave actions,” he told them. β€œI heard that there was some bitter hatred between Rangers and Canadiens fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not the truth.”

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, β€œWho was that?”

β€œIt was the Pope,” one replied. β€œHe is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God’s wisdom.”

β€œWell,” the harpooner said, β€œhe may have access to God’s wisdom, but he knows nothing about shark fishing... How’s the bait holding up?”

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Started working from home recently building boats in my attic...

Sails are through the roof.

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What did one boat say to the other boat?

Are you interested in a little row-mance?

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