Bird Puns and Hilarious Bird Jokes
Enjoy our team's carefully selected Bird Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Why do ducks fly over Alabama upside down?
There’s nothing worth craping on.
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Which country has the worst air force?
Turkey. None of them can fly.
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Why did the llama cross the road?
Because it was the chicken’s day off.
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What language do Brazilian geese speak?
Portu-geese.
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What do you call two ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?
A paradux.
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A hunter shoots a flying goose one day.
Proud of his hit he walks to fetch it only to see a farmer waiting for him, holding the goose.
“Sorry sir, this goose is mine. I shot it,” explains the hunter.
The farmer replies with a smirk, “But it landed on my property, so it’s mine.”
“Excuse me? You can’t just take what’s mine! Hand it over, right now!” The hunter is clearly angry.
The farmer’s grin gets bigger.
“Alright alright,” the farmer says calmingly. “Let’s settle this with a simple game we use around here to resolve an argument. The winner will keep the goose. The rules are simple. I’ll kick you in the nuts and see how much time it takes you to recover. Then you’ll do the same to me. Whoever recovers faster is the winner.”
The hunter, provoked and angry, agrees immediately.
The two get ready, the farmer kicks first. He takes a full swing and hits the hunter right between the legs.
The hunter nearly blacks out. A moment passes before he screams in agonizing pain, holding his crotch. His knees give in and he falls face-first onto the ground.
Time passes and the hunter does his best to endure the pain and get back up.
Eventually, still in pain, the hunter gets back onto his feet.
With teary eyes and a sore throat he says, “Now it’s my turn!”
The farmer looks at him smiling, shakes his head and goes, “Nah, man, It’s fine, you can have it. Here’s the goose, I didn’t want it anyway,” and walks off, laughing out loud.
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What happened to the geese when they fell down the stairs?
They all got goose bumps.
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Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?
To be fair, it’s really hard for geese to kill sharks.
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What do you call a possessed bird?
A polter-goose.
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Geese fly in a V-formation for aerodynamics, and when the lead goose gets tired he switches out his position.
But one side of the V is almost always longer than the other. Do you know why?
There’s more geese on that side.
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I have a racing goose for sale.
Let me know if you wanna take a quick gander.
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When will Ryan Gosling be old enough to be called Ryan Goose?
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My geometry teacher is really upset that her pet parrot died yesterday.
Polly gone.
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What looks like half a flamingo?
The other half.
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What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
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It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird.
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
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What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
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Why are baby flamingos so badly behaved?
Because the parents never put their foot down.
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Why are flamingo’s legs so long?
Because if they weren’t then they couldn’t reach the ground.
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Flight allows flamingos to avoid predators.
Natural selection is why flamingstays are extinct.
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I found out why flamingos stand with one leg pulled up...
If they pulled up both legs, they would fall over.
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What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flamin-ghost.
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Why did the chicken family cross the road?
They thought it was an egg-cellent idea.
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Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
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Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
Because it got run over half-way.
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Why didn’t the roast chicken cross the road?
It didn’t have the guts anymore.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it was trying to escape the gravitational pull of your mother.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
If you saw Chuck Norris coming, you’d have crossed that road too!
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it was free range.
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Why did the chicken stop crossing the road?
It got tired of all the jokes.
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Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
To stretch her legs.
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What did the dad turkey say to his stubborn child?
“If your mother could see you now, she’d be turning over in her gravy.”
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Do songbirds get mad at hummingbirds...
Because they don’t know the words?
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What does a predator call a hummingbird?
Fast food!
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Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
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What do you call a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.
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It was so cold that roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
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Why do birds fly south for the fall?
Because it’s quicker than walking.
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What do you get when you put a chicken, a cow, and a pig together?
A hot dog.
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Why did the vegetarian hot dog cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t chicken!
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One place where I lived had unusual sounds at night.
It sounded sort of like hundreds of chickens, but very faint and only under the darkest moon.
Turns out the place had been built over an old egg and chicken farm, which had become haunted by the noises of the deceased chickens.
We had a poultrygeist.
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It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
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It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
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I gave my pet bird a haircut and now he thinks he’s James Bond.
Well, I suppose he is a Shorn Canary.
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My twin brothers dressed up as a bird this Halloween, guess what they said?
Trick or tweet.
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“Dad, I don’t want to go to school today,” said the boy.
“Why not, son?”
“Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day.”
“But why don’t you want to go today?”
“Because our English teacher died yesterday!”
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A farmer plays a prank on Easter Sunday.
After the egg hunt, he sneaks into the chicken coop and replaces every white egg with a brightly colored one.
Minutes later, the rooster walks in.
He spots the colored eggs, then storms out and beats up the peacock.
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What’s the worst thing about having a big nose?
Birds are always perching on it!
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An old lady walked into a pet store, found a parrot, and asked the owner if she could buy it.
The owner said, “Heck no! That parrot has a bad mouth! Trust me, you do not want that parrot!”
She said, “I can teach it good manners.”
But, when she got home the parrot said a bad word, so she put it in the freezer for 10 seconds.
She took it out and said, “Did you learn your lesson?”
It said another bad word so she put it back in for 30 seconds.
She took it out and asked if it learned its lesson yet.
The parrot said “Brr... Yes, I learned my lesson, but what did the chicken do?"
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.
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Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey—he’s always stuffed.
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Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
Because there was a KFC on the other side.
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Bula decides it’s time to become a businessman, so after reading many chicken jokes, it seems like a chicken farm would be the best idea.
Said and done. First, buy 100 chickens, after the second month another 100, and keep it for a whole year.
After a year, at the New Year’s Eve party, he meets Johnny, who used to say the best chicken jokes before.
Johnny: “Well, how’s the business going?”
Bula: “Bad brother, sorry about everything!”
Johnny: “Why?”
Bula: “I don’t have any chickens anymore!”
Johnny: “Good god, why?”
Bula: “If I know, I think I’m doing something wrong. Either I plant them too deeply or don’t water them enough, but one doesn’t raise the hen.”
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A chicken and an egg walk into a bar.
The barman says, “Who’s first?”
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Psychiatrist: “What seems to be the problem?”
Patient: “I think I'm a chicken.”
Psychiatrist: “How long has this been going on?”
Patient: “Ever since I came out of my shell.”
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