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Beard Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Beard Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died.

The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck’s gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible.

All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Whenever I see a man with a beard, mustache and glasses, I think

β€œThere’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A young idiot is told that it looks like his beard is coming in, so he goes down to the gate to wait for it to arrive.

While he’s waiting a friend sees him and asks what he’s doing.

β€œI’m waiting for my beard, I was told it was coming in,” Says the idiot.

β€œNo wonder people call you an idiot,” says the friend. β€œHow do you know it’s not coming in from the other gate?”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why do women like men with beards?

Because they immediately see something that they can change!

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why don’t men with beards need a vacuum?

Because they already have a crumb catcher on their faces.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A woman is approaching a very small Bistro.

She calls the barkeeper and when he is standing in front of her she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer.

Then she bends over the desk and starts to caress his beard.

β€œAre you the boss of this Bistro?” she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.

β€œEhhh. No. Not at all!” the barkeeper replies.

β€œWould you please call him here?” the lady asks and gently touches his hair.

β€œOh, I’m very sorry, but no. Impossible!” the barkeeper sighs who has fun with this situation.

β€œWould you then please do me a great favour?” the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips.

β€œOf course. What ever you wish!” the barkeeper moans.

β€œI want to leave a message for the boss,” she says and let first one, then two fingers slip into his mouth which he gently sucks on.

β€œWhat message?” the barkeeper asks with the two fingers in his mouth.

β€œPlease tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel on the lady’s toilet.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands.

β€œWho is it?” a passenger asks the captain.

β€œI have no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad like that.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.

He tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’d had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball. The barber replied, β€œJust bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„





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