Enjoy our team's carefully selected Batman Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
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Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
Because it had appeal.
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What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
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A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are out fishing in a boat on a big lake when the priest realizes that he has to go to the bathroom.
Not wanting to disturb the fishing of the others in the boat by having them take him to shore, he gets out of the boat, walks across the water to do his business, and then returns to the boat.
A little while later the minister has to go also and he does the same. He walks across the water, does his business, and returns across the water to the boat.
Finally, the rabbi feels the urge to go to the bathroom too, so he climbs out of the boat. But instead of walking across the water, he falls into the water and starts to wildly splash around.
The priest and the minister finally drag the rabbi back into the boat and the priest turns to the minister and says, “Maybe we should have told him where the rocks were.”
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The physics student asks to go to the bathroom. Professor asks, “Liquid, Solid or Gas?”
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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?
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Why does Batman hate April Fools’ Day?
Because the Joker might be out!
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Why do so many people like to do word puzzles in the bathroom?
Because it’s the best place for a vowel movement.
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I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
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One night, after a long evening of drinking, Jim was thrown out of the bar as usual. On his way home, he spotted a nun walking down the road.
After looking at her twice, he ran over and tackled her, then proceeded to beat the living shit out of her.
Some people passing by spotted this and called the police.
As the police were pulling him away in handcuffs, he looked back and shouted, “I thought you’d be tougher than that, Batman!”
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Why did the bat walk in her pajamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
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How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
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I just dropped my phone in the bath.
Now it’s syncing.
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I’ve seen a meteor shower...
But never seen a meteor take a bath.
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My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space.
I mean, what a thing to say to a friend. It totally ruined our bath!
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What does an owl need after taking a bath?
A t-owl.
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A group of engineers and computer scientists from the same university are attending a conference in the next town. They decide to take the train.
The engineers buy one ticket each. The computer scientists scratch their heads, pool their cash, and buy a single ticket.
The engineers think this is strange but watching computer scientists get in trouble should be fun.
The conductor comes around to get the tickets, and all the computer scientists disappear into the bathroom.
The conductor knocks on the bathroom door and says, “Ticket please.”
They slide the ticket under the door, pool their savings, have a few drinks and arrive at the conference in good form.
On the way home, the engineers buy a single ticket. The computer scientists pool their money and buy all the tickets except one. The engineers scratch their heads, but decide not to worry about it and head to the bar.
The conductor comes around, and the engineers pile into the bathroom.
The computer scientist without a ticket promptly walks over to the bathroom, knocks on the door and says, “Ticket please.”
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Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
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Where does The Joker get his hair done?
Arkham Hairstylum.
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I figured out the ending of Joker.
It’s the names of the people who worked on the movie.
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If Joker and Harley Quinn have a son.
The name is Joaquin.
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The new Joker went to see a doctor for his mental health, but didn’t make an appointment.
It was a Joaquin.
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When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it.
That’s Arkham’s Razor.
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I heard The Joker just accidentally killed someone.
He was convicted of involuntary man’s laughter.
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What drink does the Joker hate?
Societea.
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Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
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Student: “Can I go to the bathroom?”
Teacher: “It’s may.”
Student: “No, it’s January.”
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What’s faster: lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
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I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone’s bathroom.
But after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.
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A child asks, “Mommy, does God use our bathroom?”
The mother replies, “No, darling. Why do you ask?”
The child says, “Because every morning daddy bangs on the door and shouts, “Oh God, are you still in there?!”
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My wife said, “If we ever win the lottery, I want you to buy me something compact, shiny, and can go from 0 to 200 in three seconds.”
I figured why wait, so surprised her that night... with a shiny new bathroom scale.
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A blind man visits Texas.
When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed, “Wow, this bed is big!”
“Everything is bigger in Texas,” says the bellhop.
The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge bar stool and orders a beer.
A mug is placed between his hands, “Wow, these drinks are big!”
The bartender replies, “Everything is big in Texas.”
After downing a few drinks, the blind man asks where the bathroom is.
“Second door to the right,” says the bartender.
The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in.
Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”
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Baby rat and mommy rat were walking down a dirt road when a bat flies by.
Baby rat turns to his mom and says, “Look, ma, an angel.”
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If bats could talk, what would they say about the coronavirus?
Now you know how it feels to have your world turned upside down!
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A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.
Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow, “What the heck are you doing down there?”
And the fellow shouts back, “Yoga!”
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A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender.
He says, “You’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?” The bartender turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!”
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Dracula wanted to know which of his bats was the best. So he organized a little competition. The bat which would drink more blood in less time than others would be the winner.
The first bat went and came back after 10 minutes. Its mouth was full of blood. Dracula was impressed.
He asked, “Nice, how did you do it?”
The bat said, “Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went inside and drank the blood of all the family.”
Dracula said, “Very good.”
The second bat went and came back after 5 minutes. He too had blood on all his face.
Dracula was shocked, “How did you do that?”
The bat said, “Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a hotel. I went inside and drank the blood of all the guests.”
Dracula said, “Fantastic.”
Now the third bat went and came back just after 1 minute. There was blood on all his body.
Dracula couldn’t believe his eyes, “How did you do that?”
The bat said, “Do you see that tower?”
Dracula said, “Yes.”
And the bat said, “I didn’t see it.”
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Why doesn’t Spider-Man like to talk to Bruce Wayne?
Because he has bad breath.
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Why did America fail to save the world from coronavirus?
Thor is in Asgard.
Iron Man died.
Captain is now old.
Hulk doesn’t have much power.
The rest of the Avengers are suffering from Corona.
And China ate Spider-Man and Batman.
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What does for call the moon after a bat flies into it?
A blood moon!
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When I was a young boy, my father taught me how to be a bearded man.
He took me into the bathroom, picked up a razor, and ate it.
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I am half Spider-Man, half Batman, and half Moon Knight...
Poor.
With no powers.
With mental disorders.
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Why is Superman stupid?
Because he wears his underwear over his pants.
Why is Batman more stupid?
Because he wears his underwear over his pants and puts on a belt over his underwear.
Why is Robin even more stupid?
Because he followed what batman did.
Why is Wonder Woman stupid?
Because she wears a belt on her head.
Why is Spider-Man the most stupid superhero of them all?
Because he wears his underwear over his head.
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Co-worker asked me, “If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has superpowers, who would be the winners?”
Your Parents when you move out.
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Batman goes to a party. To his surprise, he sees that the Joker is there too.
“He must be up to something,” he thinks. And so he sneaks up behind him, knocks him out, and puts him in a back room.
When walks out, he sees the Joker again.
“How did he recover so quickly?” Once again he knocks him out and puts him in the back room.
Coming out a third time, he sees the Joker yet again.
“How can this be?!” Now furious, Batman confronts him, grabs him by his vest, and shouts, “What are you doing here, Joker?!”
And he replies, “I’m enjoying this Halloween party, dude!”
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I emailed Netflix and asked if they had Batman Forever.
They said, “No, just until the end of June.”
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My girlfriend said I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to Batman.
What a Joker.
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I got a job at a paperless office.
Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
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