Enjoy our team's carefully selected Bathroom Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What did the mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
“Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!”
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What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
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A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are out fishing in a boat on a big lake when the priest realizes that he has to go to the bathroom.
Not wanting to disturb the fishing of the others in the boat by having them take him to shore, he gets out of the boat, walks across the water to do his business, and then returns to the boat.
A little while later the minister has to go also and he does the same. He walks across the water, does his business, and returns across the water to the boat.
Finally, the rabbi feels the urge to go to the bathroom too, so he climbs out of the boat. But instead of walking across the water, he falls into the water and starts to wildly splash around.
The priest and the minister finally drag the rabbi back into the boat and the priest turns to the minister and says, “Maybe we should have told him where the rocks were.”
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The physics student asks to go to the bathroom. Professor asks, “Liquid, Solid or Gas?”
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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?
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Why do so many people like to do word puzzles in the bathroom?
Because it’s the best place for a vowel movement.
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Why did the bat walk in her pajamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
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How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
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I just dropped my phone in the bath.
Now it’s syncing.
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I’ve seen a meteor shower...
But never seen a meteor take a bath.
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My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space.
I mean, what a thing to say to a friend. It totally ruined our bath!
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What does an owl need after taking a bath?
A t-owl.
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A group of engineers and computer scientists from the same university are attending a conference in the next town. They decide to take the train.
The engineers buy one ticket each. The computer scientists scratch their heads, pool their cash, and buy a single ticket.
The engineers think this is strange but watching computer scientists get in trouble should be fun.
The conductor comes around to get the tickets, and all the computer scientists disappear into the bathroom.
The conductor knocks on the bathroom door and says, “Ticket please.”
They slide the ticket under the door, pool their savings, have a few drinks and arrive at the conference in good form.
On the way home, the engineers buy a single ticket. The computer scientists pool their money and buy all the tickets except one. The engineers scratch their heads, but decide not to worry about it and head to the bar.
The conductor comes around, and the engineers pile into the bathroom.
The computer scientist without a ticket promptly walks over to the bathroom, knocks on the door and says, “Ticket please.”
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Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
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Student: “Can I go to the bathroom?”
Teacher: “It’s may.”
Student: “No, it’s January.”
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What’s faster: lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
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I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone’s bathroom.
But after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.
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A child asks, “Mommy, does God use our bathroom?”
The mother replies, “No, darling. Why do you ask?”
The child says, “Because every morning daddy bangs on the door and shouts, “Oh God, are you still in there?!”
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My wife said, “If we ever win the lottery, I want you to buy me something compact, shiny, and can go from 0 to 200 in three seconds.”
I figured why wait, so surprised her that night... with a shiny new bathroom scale.
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A blind man visits Texas.
When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed, “Wow, this bed is big!”
“Everything is bigger in Texas,” says the bellhop.
The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge bar stool and orders a beer.
A mug is placed between his hands, “Wow, these drinks are big!”
The bartender replies, “Everything is big in Texas.”
After downing a few drinks, the blind man asks where the bathroom is.
“Second door to the right,” says the bartender.
The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in.
Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”
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A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender.
He says, “You’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?” The bartender turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!”
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When I was a young boy, my father taught me how to be a bearded man.
He took me into the bathroom, picked up a razor, and ate it.
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I got a job at a paperless office.
Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
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