Auto Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Auto Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Auto Jokes


I ordered that new auto part for you.

It’s Honda way.

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What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?Β 

Automobile.

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One day, a blonde woman entered an auto body shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new auto.

The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her, so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents. He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could, and they’d all pop out.

The woman went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway. She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when another blonde woman walked by and asked what she was doing.

After hearing the whole story, the second blonde pauses for a moment then responds, β€œHello! The windows are down.”

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A witness to an automobile accident was testifying.

The lawyer: β€œDid you actually see the accident?”

The witness: β€œYes, sir.”

The lawyer: β€œHow far away were you when the accident happened?”

The witness: β€œThirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches.”

The lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness): β€œWell, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?”

The witness: β€œBecause when the accident happened, I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question.”

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People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris.

Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

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Autos killing 110 a day, let’s resolve to do better.

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A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic.

Having entered mechanic school, the former physician received the results of his first test back with a score of 200%.

Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high.

β€œWell”, said the teacher, β€œthe first part was taking the engine apart and you did that perfectly, so you got 50%. The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. The other 100% was for doing it through the tailpipe.”

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