Autistic Jokes



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Autistic Jokes


My friends keep telling me I’m on the autism spectrum.

I can never tell if they’re joking or not.

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How many autistics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one. But it will take about two hours while they give you an excruciatingly detailed info dump about the history and technical details of various forms of electric lighting.

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Non-autistic person: β€œAutistic people take everything literally.”

Autistic person: β€œNo, that’s kleptomaniacs.”

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One day, a mother sends her son to the market to get some groceries.

She tells him, β€œYou need you to go to the store and get a gallon of milk. If they have avocados, get 6.”

The autistic one comes back with 6 gallons of milk and tells her, β€œThey had avocados.”

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What do you call a stick with autism?

Autistic.

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How is being autistic a bit like being a photon?

Getting from here to someplace else is instantaneous, but what happens in between is incomprehensible.

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How many autistic people does it take to change a lightbulb?

β€œOne, but what do you want me to change it into?”

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One day this kid walks into an ice cream parlor and asks the guy behind the counter, β€œDo you have onion-flavored ice cream?”

The guy says, β€œNo, we don’t have onion-flavored ice cream.”

So the kid says, β€œOk,” and leaves.

The next day, the kid comes back in and asks the same question.

The guy again informs him that they don’t carry onion-flavored ice cream.

This goes on for a week, and the guy running the ice cream shop figures the kid is probably autistic.

So, one night, he goes home and starts to work on a recipe for onion-flavored ice cream. He stays up all night working and perfecting onion-flavored ice cream, just for this kid.

Then, the next morning, when the kid comes in at his usual time and asks if they have onion-flavored ice cream, the guy answers him.

β€œYes! Yes, we have onion-flavored ice cream!”

The kid replies, β€œYou must be stupid. Who is gonna buy onion-flavored ice cream?!”

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