Australia Jokes



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Australia Jokes


What would you callΒ an unidentified object which landed in Australia?

Australien.

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A famous Australian fashion designer created a special collection of denim trousers for the indigenous population.

He calls them β€œaborijeans”.

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An Australian aboriginal is doing a bit of fishing when he notices a massive mud crab out of season.

As quick as can be, he grabs the mud crab and throws it in the trunk of his car.

At that moment, a Department of Fisheries ranger observes Paddyβ€”the aboriginalβ€”putting the mud crab into the trunk of his car.

β€œOi, you can’t do that! I saw what you have there. You’ve got a mud crab in the trunk. It isn’t mud crab season. I’ll find you!” Paddy says, β€œNo way, mate. It isn’t what it looks like. This mud crab is my pet. His name is Marty. Every day, I take him down here for a swim. I’ll show you.” So he took the mud crab and put it in the water. The mud crab scuttled away and disappeared. β€œWell, where is he?” asked the ranger. Paddy: β€œWhere’s what?”

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An Australian guy was playing Mama Mia on his didgeridoo.

I thought, that’s aboriginal.

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An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End.

On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australian aborigine to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the sea.

The Americans were incredulous.

Later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an aborigine.

He had one ear pressed to the white line, whilst his left leg was held high in the air.

The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate aborigine.

β€œJacky,” said the tour guide, β€œwhat are you tracking and what are you listening for?”

The aborigine replied, β€œDown the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute. It’s a red one. The left front tire is bald. The front ends out of whack, and him got bloody dents in every panel. There are 9 black fellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry. There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat.”

The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.

β€œGod man, how do you know all that?,” asked one.

The aborigine replied, β€œI fell out off the pucken thing about half an hour ago!”

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911 operator: β€œWhat’s your emergency?”

Kangaroo: β€œI can’t find my children.”

Kangaroo 911: β€œDid you check your pockets?”

Kangaroo: β€œOh, never mind.”

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When the red panda got tired, it decided to take a koala-ty nap.

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An Australian is aboard the wrong airplane.

The flight attendant approaches them and says, β€œI’m so sorry. I’m not sure how this mix-up happened, but this plane is arriving in an entirely different country than your intended destination.”

The Australian says, β€œNo way.”

The flight attendant replies, β€œSweden, actually.”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œKanga.”

β€œKanga, who?”

β€œActually, it’s kangaroo!”

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A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, β€œThese sleepovers are killing me.”

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Where does a kangaroo go that can’t hop?

Hopspital.

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What’s a kangaroo’s favorite type of clothing?

A jump-suit.

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What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?

A woolly jumper.

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A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo at night.

Knowing that he could hop really high, the zoo officials decided to put up a ten-foot fence.

However, they were amazed to find the kangaroo was out again the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.

So they put up a twenty-foot fence instead.

Again the next morning, they were amazed to find the kangaroo had still go out.

So they started to put up a forty foot high fence.

As the animals in the zoo watch this, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, β€œHow high do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo replied, β€œAbout a thousand feet, unless somebody starts locking the gate at night.”

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What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?

Great big holes all over Australia.

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What do you call a tired kangaroo?

Out of bounds.

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Australian Santa: β€œWhat would you like for Christmas, little girl?”

Girl: β€œA Barbie.”

Girl wakes up to find a Broil King BBQ under the tree.

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What do you say to an aborigine bloke from Australia who worked in I.T.?

β€œDo you come from a LAN down under?”

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Who were the first people in Australia to have a six-pack?

The Ab-originals.

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An Australian aborigine owns a boomerang that will not return to him no matter how many times he throws it.

Frustrated, he seeks assistance from the witch doctor.

When the witch doctor asks where he obtained the boomerang, the aborigine says it was from a souvenir shop on Ayer’s Rock.

The witch doctor says, β€œYou bloody fool, didn’t you see the sign by the cash register that says β€˜NO RETURNS’.”

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Did you know that someone tried contacting the aboriginals in Australia via smoke signal?

But the line was always busy.

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What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

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How does a koala get from one place to another?

On a gondkoala.

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The new Australian short-sleeved, marsupial shirts are REALLY good!

In fact, you could say they have a high level of koala-t

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What do you call tea made with weed and koala bears?

A High Koala Tea Beverage.

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We were driving down the road when a koala cut ahead of us and knocked into the car.

We sped up alongside of him and yelled out β€œHey, you clipped us!”

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How many koalas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Technically just one, as long as he’s koalafied.

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What’s a koala’s favorite end-of-the-world food?

Apocalyptus.

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What is a bear’s favorite drink?

Koka-Koala.

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Koala: β€œWhat do you mean, I’m not a bear? I have all the koalafications.”

Elephant: β€œYour koalafications are completely irrelephant.”

Lion: β€œDon’t listen to him! He’s lion!”

Bear: β€œThis arguing is becoming unbearable!”

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Why does Australia have so many customer service representatives?

Because they offer koalaity service.

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What does it take to work at a zoo in Australia?

Koalafications.

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You can say what you want, but dry January is quite a success in Australia.

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Yo mama so tall she tripped in America and landed in Australia.

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After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo.

When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside.

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