Aunt Jokes



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Aunt Jokes


It’s ironic how my aunt died given that her zodiac sign is cancer.

She was killed by a giant crab.

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A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, β€œMy dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket.”

β€œVery good,” said the teacher.

Next, Mary said, β€œWe are farmers too. We had twenty eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they’re hatched.”

β€œVery good,” said the teacher again, very pleased with the response so far.

Next it was Barney’s turn to tell his story, β€œMy dad told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.”

β€œGo on,” said the teacher, intrigued.

β€œAunt Karen drank the whisky on the way down to prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.”

β€œGood heavens,” said the horrified teacher, β€œWhat did your father say was the moral of that frightening story?”

β€œStay away from Aunt Karen when she’s been drinking.”

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Who is a penguin’s favourite aunt?

Aunt Arctica.

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Let me tell you how I became a millionaire.

First, I bought one apple for a dollar with my savings.

Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars.

With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1 dollar each and again sold them for 2 dollars each.

Now I had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each.

Now I had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on.

A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.

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Spider-Man became a vigilante.

Meanwhile, Aunt May became a vigil auntie.

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Why was Aunt May worried about Peter Parker?

He was spending too much time on the world wide web.

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My mom’s sister is good at cleaning stuff, especially any stinky laundry.

We call her a deodor-aunt.

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