Atheist Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Atheist Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Atheist Jokes

A man sees a boy with a box of kittens. He goes over and says, โ€œOh, what cute kittens!โ€

The boy replies, โ€œYes, they are Christian kittens.โ€

About a week later, the man sees the boy again with the same batch of kittens.

Once again he walks over and says, โ€œMy, those are just adorable!โ€

The boy replies, โ€œYes, they are atheist kittens.โ€

The man asks, โ€œWait, werenโ€™t they Christian before?โ€

The boy looks at the man and says, โ€œYeah, but they have their eyes open now.โ€

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I hate being a depressed atheist.

Nothing to live for, nothing to die for.

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An atheist was rowing on Loch Ness in Scotland one day when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat.

He panicked and shouted, โ€œGod, help me!โ€ and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just froze.

A voice from the heavens boomed โ€œYou say you donโ€™t believe in me, but now youโ€™re asking for my help?โ€

The atheist looked up and said, โ€œWell, ten seconds ago I didnโ€™t believe in the Loch Ness Monster either.โ€

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How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to film it so fundamentalists wonโ€™t claim that god did it.

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Why did the atheist cross the road?

He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldnโ€™t believe it until he tested his hypothesis.

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A young girl comes home from a date looking rather sad. Her mother asks her whatโ€™s wrong.

She says, โ€œBill proposed to me an hour ago.โ€

Her mother asks, โ€œWhy are you so sad then?โ€

The girl replies, โ€œBecause he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesnโ€™t even believe thereโ€™s a hell.โ€

Her mother says, โ€œMarry him anyway. Between the two of us, weโ€™ll show him how wrong he is.โ€

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Did you hear about the evangelical atheist?

She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.

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An atheist is someone with no invisible means of support.

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