Atheist Jokes
Enjoy our team's carefully selected Atheist Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
A man sees a boy with a box of kittens. He goes over and says, “Oh, what cute kittens!”
The boy replies, “Yes, they are Christian kittens.”
About a week later, the man sees the boy again with the same batch of kittens.
Once again he walks over and says, “My, those are just adorable!”
The boy replies, “Yes, they are atheist kittens.”
The man asks, “Wait, weren’t they Christian before?”
The boy looks at the man and says, “Yeah, but they have their eyes open now.”
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I hate being a depressed atheist.
Nothing to live for, nothing to die for.
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An atheist was rowing on Loch Ness in Scotland one day when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat.
He panicked and shouted, “God, help me!” and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just froze.
A voice from the heavens boomed “You say you don’t believe in me, but now you’re asking for my help?”
The atheist looked up and said, “Well, ten seconds ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness Monster either.”
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How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to film it so fundamentalists won’t claim that god did it.
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Why did the atheist cross the road?
He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn’t believe it until he tested his hypothesis.
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A young girl comes home from a date looking rather sad. Her mother asks her what’s wrong.
She says, “Bill proposed to me an hour ago.”
Her mother asks, “Why are you so sad then?”
The girl replies, “Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.”
Her mother says, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”
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Did you hear about the evangelical atheist?
She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
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An atheist is someone with no invisible means of support.
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