Enjoy our team's carefully selected Anti Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost.
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What do you call a pretty woman on the arm of a musician?
A tattoo.
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Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
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When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill is what made us afraid of the light.
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What did the raccoon say to the other raccoon?
Does my breath smell like garbage?
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My friend invited me to their house because nobody was there.
When I arrived, they weren’t there and the house was empty.
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How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
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What is the name of a man who always knows where his wife is?
A widower.
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What do you call someone dressed as a clown who falls down the stairs?
An ambulance.
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A man walks into a bar...
His alcoholism is destroying his family.
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You know what they say about Anti Jokes?
She’s married to Uncle Jokes.
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What’s the one thing in this human life that you can count on?
A calculator.
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What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?
An ambulance, he’s clearly injured.
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Having your own child is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.
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What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Stolen.
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Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
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What do you call a car wash that won’t wash cars anymore?
Broken.
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What did one German man say to the other German man?
I have no idea, I can’t speak German.
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What do you call a talking turtle?
A cartoon.
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A group of ducks flew overhead in a V formation.
Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?
It has more ducks.
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Why are T-Rex’s unable to clap their hands?
Because they are extinct.
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