Enjoy our team's carefully selected Animal Puns. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
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What’s a hen’s favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
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Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
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I asked the hairdresser if she ever gave a henna rinse.
She said, “No, but I once gave a duck a bath.”
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I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving.
One day I lobster and never flounder again.
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Where do lobsters go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
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Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset.
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How does a lobster answer the phone?
“Shello?”
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The lobster is one shell of an animal.
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What does a snail wear to go dancing?
Escargogo boots.
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What is a wolf’s favorite tree?
A lu-pine.
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What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
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What do you call a werewolf for sale?
A warewolf.
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What do they call a group of werewolves?
We’rewolves.
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If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
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Why did the lion cross the road?
He was bored of lion around.
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How do you make a wolf laugh?
Give him a funny bone.
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What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
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What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
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A Wolfswagon Rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
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How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
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What do you call an Irish reptile?
Croc O’Dile.
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What do you call a bear that likes to spend his summers at the North Pole and his winters at the South?
A bi-polar bear.
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What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
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What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
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Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
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What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
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Where do chess grandmasters keep their pet snakes?
In a chesst.
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Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
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What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
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What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews.
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What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
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I was reading a story about dragons the other day It just seemed to drag-on and on.
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Why are dragons such good storytellers?
Because they have long tails.
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What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
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What’s a dragon’s favorite snack?
Fire-crackers.
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Why was the T-Rex Cafe always hiring?
No matter what, they always seemed a bit short handed.
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Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Café?
Chocolate Moose.
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Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
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Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
Because it had appeal.
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What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
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How does a tiger move a boat?
He uses roars.
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My Ph.D. thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii.
To understand it all, I had to visit the ancient mooins.
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Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
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What do you call a fasting camel?
Hump-less.
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How do you call a cow in Ramadan?
A Mooslim.
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What do you call a Muslim crocodile?
An Allahgator.
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What’s a sheep’s favorite holy text?
The Baa-ble.
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Where do bad beavers go?
They’re dammed to hell.
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So I asked my Spanish friend if he knew where fish lived.
He said, “Si.”
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What do you call an Italian mosquito?
Malario.
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What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
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What do you call a Portuguese person all by themself?
A Portugoose.
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Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
She was afraid someone would Caesar.
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What sound does a turkey’s phone make?
“Wing, wing.”
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What do you call rain on Turkey Day?
Fowl weather.
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I tried to post a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys.
But it was removed because of fowl language.
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What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
God save the kin.
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What kind of key is edible?
A turkey on Thanksgiving.
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Did you hear that I won the Thanksgiving turkey cookoff?
You butterball-ieve it.
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What’s the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria?
Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.
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Why do some people not like a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys?
Because of fowl language.
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Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
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What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
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What is a monkey’s favorite day of the year?
The first of Ape-ril.
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How do deer celebrate April Fool’s Day?
They pronk each other.
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I got a pet owl named Robin.
Robin Hoo-d.
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What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
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What happens if an owl doesn’t wash?
It smells fowl.
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Why did the owl ’owl?
Because the woodpecker would peck ’er.
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What’s an owl’s favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
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Britain’s most common owl?
The teatowel.
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What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
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What do you call a flying pig?
Swine flu.
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How did the pig get out of the tree?
The swine flu.
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The bird developed an illness.
I think it started when the bird flu.
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Did you hear about the pig who got sick after catching a flight?
Swine flu.
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They said when pigs fly...
But the swine already flu.
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What do you call a unicorn who got a flu shot?
An immunicorn.
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They ran out crying ‘bird flu’!!!
I looked up and couldn’t see any, I’m sure they were lying.
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Outbreak: New strain of bird flu discovered!!!
It’s called Chirpies.
It’s a canarial disease.
It’s untweetable.
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The bird flu is pretty nasty.
Luckily, it’s tweetable.
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What’s the first sign that you have caught bird flu?
Fowl symptoms.
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What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires a tweetment and one requires an oinkment.
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What do you call oyster nuns?
Cloisters.
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What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
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I tried to dye my dog’s hair blue.
But I guess he was blue-ish.
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I saw a blue crab today.
It was quite a claw-some sight.
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What do you call a depressed unicorn?
A blue-corn.
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What do you call a blue owl?
A hoo-dini.
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Why do blue whales need computers?
To go on their whale-net.
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What do you call a blue cat that likes to race?
A fast purrr-ple.
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Why did the bluebird get kicked out of the forest?
Because it was a bird of pray.
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What do you call a group of blue whales?
A pod of blues.
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How does the Easter Bunny stay healthy?
Eggsercise, particularly hareobics!
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Why did the bat walk in her pajamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
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What does an owl need after taking a bath?
A t-owl.
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Where do birds meet for coffee?
In a Nest-cafe.
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My red panda went on a shopping spree and ended up with a paw-ful of amazing deals.
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When the red panda got tired, it decided to take a koala-ty nap.
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The red panda had a wild night last night.
He was caught red-handed.
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How does a red panda flirt with her crush?
She gives them a bamboozling smile.
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Why was the red panda good at math?
It always knew how to add-bear the numbers.
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Red pandas never skip leg day.
Their hopping skills are paws-itively impressive.
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Why did the red panda bring a ladder?
It wanted to reach new heights-bear.
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Why did the red panda become an actor?
It had a panda-mic personality.
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Did you hear about the red panda’s art exhibition?
It was panda-monium!
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What do you call a red panda dentist?
A molar bear.
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What did the red panda say after winning a race?
“I’m un-bear-ably fast!”
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What’s a skunk’s philosophy of life?
Eat, stink, and be merry.
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Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor?
Rabbit De Niro.
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What do you call a male buffalo?
A buffellow.
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Why is a panda the most dangerous animal in the animal kingdom?
Because the panda eats shoots and leaves.
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What is the official animal of National Pi Day?
The pi-thon.
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How do llamas wake up in the morning?
They use allama clocks.
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What would’ve been a better name for the lion instead of King of the Jungle?
Emperoar.
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What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion?
Ryan.
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What did the dragon say to the bad employee?
You’re fired.
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What do dragons like with their soup?
Firecrackers.
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My dragon is asleep.
He’s now dragoff.
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What do you call a dragon with no wings?
Draggin.
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I am sad to leave the alpaca alone again.
Spending time with him was fun wool it lasted.
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My kid has a stuffed alpaca toy.
I call it her Dolly Llama.
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If you get kissed by an alpaca, it’s not the end of the world.
It’s the alpaca-lips.
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I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time Alpaca lunch.
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What did Mario say when he saw the Alpaca?
Don’t-a worry it’s a false-a llama!
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What did the talent scout say about the juggling alpaca?
That alpaca is one of the most tailented alpacas around.
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What is an alpaca that is mixed with a dog called?
A Wool-f.
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Did you hear about the bird flu?
I mean, I don’t know why it’s such a big deal. They tend to do that quite often.
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Bird flu.
Bird landed.
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What do you call an animal found under the avocado tree?
A guaca-mole.
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How do chickens wake up on time?
Alarm clucks!
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What do you call a religious animal that loves sandwiches?
The Deli Llama.
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I recently heard that Turkeys aren’t allowed to play baseball.
No matter how many times they hit, they’ll always hit fowl balls.
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Why did the barber keep agreeing to shave the lion’s fur even though it was dangerous?
It was his mane source of income.
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Two monkeys are sharing an Amazon account, guess what are they called?
Prime mates.
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Scientists experimented on a rabbit and a bug, guess what they get?
A bugs bunny.
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What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
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Which type of cheese do racehorses like best?
Masc-a-pony.
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How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse?
The police horse goes “Neigh-naw-neigh-naw-neigh-naw”.
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Why did a dog enter the church in the middle of a religious mass?
Because he was a German shepherd.
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What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lilly.
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What do you call a man who has cat scratches all over his face?
Claude.
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Why do anteaters never get colds?
Because their noses are full of anty-bodies!
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How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
They’re all girls! If they were boys, they’d be uncles.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
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What insect comes from the moon?
A luna tick!
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I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure-bread dog.
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Why did the cat like eating lemons?
Because he was a sourpuss.
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