Alcoholic Jokes
Enjoy our team's carefully selected Alcoholic Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Judge: “On what grounds do you want a divorce?”
Husband: “My wife is out all night, every night! From bar to bar, almost visits all the bars and pubs in town every day!”
Judge: “You mean to say she’s severely alcoholic and cheats on you every day?”
Husband: “No, she’s out looking for me!”
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Alcohol is a perfect solvent.
It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
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What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?
They both view alcohol as a solution.
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An alcoholic wakes up in jail on New Year’s Eve.
He asks the first police officer he sees, “Why am I here?”
“For drinking,” replies the officer.
“Great,” says the man, “When do we start?”
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Alcoholics don’t run in my family.
But sometimes they fall down the stairs.
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“Hi, my name is Bob, and I’m an alcoholic.”
“Sir, this is Triple A, not Alcoholics Anonymous.”
“I know, I’m just trying to explain why my car is in a lake.”
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If you drink too much alcohol you are an alcoholic.
If you drink too much Fanta, does that make you Fantastic?
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Priest: Don’t drink too much liquor. You will go to Hell.”
Alcoholic: “Really? What about the guy who sells the liquor?”
Priest: “He will also go to Hell.” Alcoholic: “Ok, what about the girl who sells Al Pastor tacos, and puts out in the food truck outside the Liquor Store?” Priest: “She too will go to Hell.” Alcoholic: “In that case, I have no problem going to Hell.”
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