Alcoholic Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Alcoholic Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Alcoholic Jokes


Judge: β€œOn what grounds do you want a divorce?”

Husband: β€œMy wife is out all night, every night! From bar to bar, almost visits all the bars and pubs in town every day!”

Judge: β€œYou mean to say she’s severely alcoholic and cheats on you every day?”

Husband: β€œNo, she’s out looking for me!”

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Alcohol is a perfect solvent.

It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

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What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?

They both view alcohol as a solution.

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An alcoholic wakes up in jail on New Year’s Eve.

He asks the first police officer he sees, β€œWhy am I here?”

β€œFor drinking,” replies the officer.

β€œGreat,” says the man, β€œWhen do we start?”

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Alcoholics don’t run in my family.

But sometimes they fall down the stairs.

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β€œHi, my name is Bob, and I’m an alcoholic.”

β€œSir, this is Triple A, not Alcoholics Anonymous.”

β€œI know, I’m just trying to explain why my car is in a lake.”

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If you drink too much alcohol you are an alcoholic.

If you drink too much Fanta, does that make you Fantastic?

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Priest: β€œDon’t drink too much liquor. You will go to Hell.”

Alcoholic: β€œReally? What about the guy who sells the liquor?”

Priest: β€œHe will also go to Hell.”

Alcoholic: β€œOk, what about the girl who sells Al Pastor tacos, and puts out in the food truck outside the Liquor Store?”

Priest: β€œShe too will go to Hell.”

Alcoholic: β€œIn that case, I have no problem going to Hell.”

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