Age Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Age Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Age Jokes

One benefit of old age is that your secrets are safe with your friends, they canโ€™t remember them either!

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Getting old certainly has its benefits.

Every birthday party is a surprise birthday party when you reach 80 years of age.

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The young man, as he was golfing alone, not being able to say no, allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didnโ€™t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didnโ€™t waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball โ€” and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, โ€œYou know, when I was your age, Iโ€™d hit the ball right over that tree.โ€

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk, and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, โ€œOf course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only three feet tall.โ€

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If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?

Their age.

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An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a general check-up.

The doctor was surprised to see his happy demeanor.

Doctor: โ€œWhat is the secret of your good health?โ€

Old man: โ€œI get up before the sun rises and go out for cycling. And then come back and drink two glasses ofย wine!

Maybe this is the secret of my health.โ€

Doctor: โ€œOkay, but can I ask you how old was your father when he died?โ€

Old man: โ€œMy father died! Who told you that he died?!โ€

Doctor (surprised): โ€œYou mean that you are 80 years old, and your father is still alive? So how old is he now?โ€

Old man: โ€œHe is 102 years old and cycled with me this morning and then took two glasses of wine.โ€

Doctor: โ€œThis is very good. This means that the long life is in your familyโ€™s genes. So, how old was your grandfather when he died?โ€

Old man: โ€œMy grandfather died! Who told you that he died?!โ€

Doctor (puzzled): โ€œYou mean that you are 80 years old, and your grandfather is still alive very much! What is his age?โ€

Old man: โ€œYes, he is 123 years old.โ€

Doctor: โ€œIย think he too must have cycled with you this morning and taken wine too?โ€

Old man: โ€œNo, Grandpa could not go this morning, because he is getting married today.โ€

Doctor (on the verge of going mad): โ€œWhy would he want to get married at the age of 123?โ€

Old man: โ€œWho said he wanted to get married? He had to be forced.โ€

Doctor (shouted): โ€œBut why?!โ€

Old man: โ€œThe Girl is pregnant, thatโ€™s why.โ€

The doctor has been cycling regularly and drinking wine ever since. The clinic is closed.

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My granny started cycling at 97 years old. She has been doing ten miles per day.

And now we donโ€™t know where the heck she is!

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How do you know itโ€™s time to retire?

Itโ€™s when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!

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