Enjoy our team's carefully selected Africa Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean.
He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”
The trembling monkey says, “You are, mighty lion!”
Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, “Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?”
The terrified ox stammers, “Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!”
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it’d been run over by a safari wagon.
The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, “Just because you don’t know the answer, you don’t have to get so upset about it!”
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What would’ve been a better name for the lion instead of King of the Jungle?
Emperoar.
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What do a lion and a computer have in common?
They both have mega bites.
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Chuck Norris once played with Lego.
The result was The Great Pyramids.
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“It’s a long tale,” said the fox.
“I’m all ears,” said the elephant.
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What looks like half a flamingo?
The other half.
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What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
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It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird.
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
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What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
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Why are baby flamingos so badly behaved?
Because the parents never put their foot down.
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Why are flamingo’s legs so long?
Because if they weren’t then they couldn’t reach the ground.
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Flight allows flamingos to avoid predators.
Natural selection is why flamingstays are extinct.
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I found out why flamingos stand with one leg pulled up...
If they pulled up both legs, they would fall over.
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What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flamin-ghost.
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I hurt my back in Egypt.
It got so bad that I had to visit a cairopractor.
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In Cairo there is a large hole in the ground left over from a construction project that was never finished. Every day several people unexpectedly walk right into the hole and are badly injured.
By the time the ambulance arrives and brings the victims to the hospital, it is often too late to save them. To solve this dangerous predicament, those with the highest positions in the Egyptian government hold a meeting.
“What shall we do about this hole plaguing our people?” Asks the first speaker.
Everyone is hesitant to answer, but then a man raises his hand.
“It is quite an easy solution,” he exclaims. “We keep an ambulance right next to the hole, so if people fall in, they can be pulled out and brought to the hospital right away.”
The council agrees and decides to implement this new solution the following day. However, with traffic there is still not enough time to get the victims to the hospital. So they hold another meeting.
“Having an ambulance ready is still not enough to save our people, we must do more.”
A different man raises his hand and speaks, “If getting to the hospital in time is the problem, then we must build a hospital next to the hole.”
Everyone claps seeing that they’ve found the solution.
But then the urban development chair speaks in response to this proposal, “The land next to the hole is simply not big enough,” he says, and the crowd stops clapping. “It seems we are back at step 1.”
In the back of the room a man stands and says with much confidence, “I have got it! We shall bring a truck full of dirt to the site of the hole, and we will fill it up.”
The council is ecstatic clapping for the man.
“...then we dig another hole next to the hospital.”
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What did one Egyptian say to the other when they farted at the same time?
Looks like we’ve got a Tutankhamen.
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Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
Because his daddy was a mummy.
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Ancient Egyptian architect: “Do you know how to build a pyramid?”
Ancient Egyptian builder: “Well, err yeah, up to a point.”
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Did you know most Egyptian people are related to the same Pharaoh?
They have Tut-in-common.
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My girlfriend asked me, “When we go to Egypt, can we go on a camel?”
I told her, “Don’t be silly. It would take ages to get there.”
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What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Plenty of room.
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Crocodiles can grow up to 20 feet.
But most have just four.
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A man was pouring colored water every day on the streets of his town.
One day his neigbhour called the police, because he was pouring suspicious liquids on the streets.
When the police came they asked the man, “What are you pouring on the streets?”
The guy said, “I was pouring anti crocodile liquids.”
The officer said, “But there are no crocodiles in this town!”
The guy said, “You are welcome!”
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The Egyptians claim there are no crocodiles in their country.
I think they are in de Nile.
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Why don’t crocodiles like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it.
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What time is it when you see a crocodile?
Time to run.
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What’s the difference between me and a camel?
A camel can work all week without drinking, I can drink all week without working.
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A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East.
An Arab approaches the husband, saying, “I’ll give you 100 camels for your woman.”
After a long silence, the husband says, “She’s not for sale.”
The indignant wife says, “What took you so long to answer?”
The husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”
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Where does a camel go after he’s eaten his main course?
To the desert trolley.
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How do you serve a camel a cup of tea?
Ask them if they want one hump or two.
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Husband: “It says here, that over 5,000 camels are used to make paintbrushes each year.”
Wife: “Isn’t it amazing what they can teach camels to do nowadays?”
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A little-known fact is that Sir Lancelot raised a lot of sheep in his later years to make a living.
But once he got to Egypt he opened his own camel lot.
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What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
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How do camels hide from predators?
Camel-flage.
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My history textbook says that the Pharaoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could’ve just used bricks or something.
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Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile?
Because he was juve-niles.
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How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
You will see one later and one in a while.
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Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons.
Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphs.
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Monkey sees an Elephant climbing a banana tree.
Confused, monkey calls out to elephant, “Hey, elephant, why are you climbing that tree?”
Elephant says, “I’m going to eat me a mango!”
Monkey responds, “But that isn’t a mango tree!”
Elephant says, “Don’t worry about it, I brought my own.”
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Why can’t an elephant ride a bicycle?
Because he doesn’t have a thumb to ring the bell.
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A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests, and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty flu virus, which is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh!” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?”
“Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pancakes and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asked the man, hopefully.
The doctor replied, “Well, no, but... it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
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An elephant and an ape go to a party together. They want to bring some snacks: crackers and dips.
Which of them buys the crackers?
The elephant. Because the ape always buys the dip.
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“Do you know the difference between a fly and an elephant?”
“No.”
“Wow! You’d better see somebody then.”
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Why did the barber keep agreeing to shave the lion’s fur even though it was dangerous?
It was his mane source of income.
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Guess why elephants always get the first word?
Because their opinion carries a lot of weight!
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Guess what monkeys eat in space?
Space bananas!
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Why are elephant’s noses so big?
So they can scratch their bums!
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Archaeologists have uncovered a mummy in Egypt covered in nuts and chocolate.
They believe it’s Pharaoh Roche.
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My friend: “My girlfriend said she wanted to eat tacos, so we flew to Mexico.”
Me: “Hey babe, what do you wanna eat?”
Her: “Nothing.”
Me: Flies to Africa.
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The worst part about being a giraffe...
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
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What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
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What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedgehog?
A six-foot toothbrush.
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You’re riding a horse full speed, there’s a giraffe beside you, and you’re being chased by a lion. What do you do?
Get your drunk ass off the carousel!
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Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
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Student: “503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?”
Teacher: “502.”
Student: “How do you put an elephant in a fridge?”
Teacher: “No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!”
Student: “Just open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.”
Student: “How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?”
Teacher: “Open the door, put the giraffe in, close the door.”
Student: “No! Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.”
Student: “The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?”
Teacher: “The lion?”
Student: “No! The giraffe because he’s in a fridge.”
Student: “Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?”
Teacher: “Sally stepped on the alligator's mouth?”
Student: “The gators are at the party.”
Student: “But Sally dies anyway. Why?”
Teacher: “She drowned?!”
Student: “No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.”
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Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
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