Addiction Jokes

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Addiction Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Addiction Jokes

Remember the guy who used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers?

He had to quit cold turkey.

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Why did the dyslexic mathematician go to rehab?

He was struggling with addition.

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My family is all worried about my addiction to dot puzzles.

It’s OK though... I know where to draw the line.

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A husband was addicted to smoking and drinking.

One day, his wife got so angry that she told him, β€œIf you keep on smoking, all of your intestines will fall out.”

Her husband didn’t believe her, so he kept on smoking and drinking, just like he always did.

His wife was determined to prove herself right, so one day she went out early in the morning and bought some big intestines. She stuffed them in her husband’s underwear as he slept.

A short while later, he woke up, let out a huge scream, and then fell silent for the next 30 minutes.

After another 30 minutes of silence, he comes downstairs, sweating profusely. β€œWhat happened?” asked the wife.

β€œYou were right! My intestines did come out, but don’t worry, honey, after a lot of work, I finally managed to push them back in.”

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There’s a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery.

The head of the group walks in and says, β€œI’m seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I’m pretty disappointed.”

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In a house full of caffeine addicts, they found their coffee maker broken this morning.

And now there’s trouble brewing.

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Two Hippies are walking along a railroad track, stoned.

One Hippie says, β€œThis is a really long staircase, man!”

The other Hippie says, β€œI don’t mind the stairs, man. It’s this low handrail thats killing me.”

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My addiction to helium is out of control, but...

No one is taking my cries for help seriously.

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My wife gave me an ultimatum.

It was either her or my addiction to sweets.

The decision was as easy as pie.

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How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?

Apply the pumpkin patch.

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I just got over my addiction to chocolate, nuts and marshmallows.

I have to admit it was a rocky road.

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Guess what happened to the man who was addicted to doing the β€œHokey Pokey”?

He turned himself around.

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