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Jokes on Accounting



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Accounting Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



I saw a lady in tears at the store.

She said she had lost an envelope with her tax refund inside.

I gave her 100$ because I felt sorry for her.

Plus I had just found about $1,600 in the parking lot.

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I tried to pay my taxes to the IRS with a smile.

Turns out they prefer money.

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Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.

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How do we know the IRS likes poor people?

Because they appear to create so many of them.

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It has been said about tax:

β€œFor doing wrong, you are taxed a fine.

For doing well, you are fined a tax.”

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Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts!

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They say that two things in life are unavoidable: death and taxes.

At least death only happens once!

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Some say that nobody should keep too much to themselves.

The IRS office is of the same opinion.

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Intaxifcation: The wonderful feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.

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Ever wonder why it’s called a Form 1040?

For every $50 you earn, you get $10 and they get $40.

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An accountancy student asks a partner to explain ethics in accountancy.

The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following, β€œMr. Jones, one of our clients, came to see me last week and paid me his bill of Β£1,000 in cash. As he left I counted the notes and they came to Β£1,100.”

The student said, β€œI see. The ethics question is β€˜Do I tell the client?’”

β€œWrong answer! The question is β€˜Do I tell my partner?’”

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What does CPA stand for?

Can’t Pass Again.

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A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing.

Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day’s work.

After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant.

Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation.

His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message:

β€œDebits in the column toward the file cabinet.

Credits in the column toward the window.”

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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?

Depreciation.

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A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.

His friend asks, β€œDidn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”

The businessman replies, β€œThat’s the accountant we’re looking for.”

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What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?

Lazy.

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What is the definition of an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you don’t understand.

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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

β€œDoctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” he says.

β€œHave you tried counting sheep?” inquires the doctor.

β€œThat’s the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”

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An accountant is walking down the street when he comes across a bum.

β€œSpare some loose change?” asks the bum.

β€œAnd why should I do that?” asks the accountant.

β€œBecause I’m broke. Haven’t got a penny to my name and nothing to eat,” says the bum.

β€œI see,” says the accountant. β€œAnd how does this compare to the same quarter last year?”

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A Doctor was chatting at a party with a Chartered Accountant.

He asked, β€œHow do I manage this delicate issue when people even at a party like this ask me about their joint pains and heartburn and gas trouble. Just because I am a doctor. Not fair!”

The CA friend replied coolly, β€œJust tell them the right things politely, but send them a bill from your clinic the next morning. Only once. Word will soon get around and it will stop immediately.”

β€œWow! Thanks for the tip,” said the doctor.

Next morning the doctor got a bill from his CA friend: β€œConsulting charges for Business Development”.

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I got my first job as an accountant at 22, right out of college.

Suddenly, the week after I turned 30, they fired me.

13 years of loyal service to the company, down the drain.

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