Aboriginal Jokes



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Aboriginal Jokes


A famous Australian fashion designer created a special collection of denim trousers for the indigenous population.

He calls them โ€œaborijeansโ€.

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An Australian aboriginal is doing a bit of fishing when he notices a massive mud crab out of season.

As quick as can be, he grabs the mud crab and throws it in the trunk of his car.

At that moment, a Department of Fisheries ranger observes Paddyโ€”the aboriginalโ€”putting the mud crab into the trunk of his car.

โ€œOi, you canโ€™t do that! I saw what you have there. Youโ€™ve got a mud crab in the trunk. It isnโ€™t mud crab season. Iโ€™ll find you!โ€ Paddy says, โ€œNo way, mate. It isnโ€™t what it looks like. This mud crab is my pet. His name is Marty. Every day, I take him down here for a swim. Iโ€™ll show you.โ€ So he took the mud crab and put it in the water. The mud crab scuttled away and disappeared. โ€œWell, where is he?โ€ asked the ranger. Paddy: โ€œWhereโ€™s what?โ€

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An Australian guy was playing Mama Mia on his didgeridoo.

I thought, thatโ€™s aboriginal.

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As the first fleet rounded the headlands and sailed intoย botanyย bay, the local aborigines could see several men looking towards them through big fancy telescopes.

One of the aborigines comments, โ€œDumb man, canโ€™t even play the didgeridoo.โ€

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In an interview, the Prime Minister is asked if he acknowledges Australiaโ€™s aboriginal past.

Squeezing his brain, he tries to remember what he learned at school. But there is only darkness prior to Cook.

โ€œYes,โ€ he says finally, โ€œI can confirm that Australia has a black history.โ€

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What isย theย TABย called by aborigines?

The Koori Bank.

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An aboriginal walks into a bar with a seagull on his shoulder.

The barman asks, โ€œWhere did you get that?โ€

The seagull replies, โ€œDown the tip, there are heaps of them there.โ€

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In Darwin, Australia, a multi-millionaire wanted to throw a party and invited all of his friends and neighbors. He also invited Brian, the sole aboriginal in the area.

He threw the party in his mansionโ€™s garden, around the pool. Everyone was having a terrific time drinking, dancing, eating grilled prawns and oysters, and flirting.

The millionaire then announced, โ€œI have a 15-foot man-eating crocodile in my pool, and Iโ€™ll give a million dollars to anyone who joins him in the pool.โ€

The words had only left his mouth when there was a huge splash.

Everyone turned around to see Brian fighting the crocodile in the water, jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, headbutting it, choking it, biting its tail, and tossing it into the air like some kind of martial arts expert.

The water was swirling and splashing all over the place. Brian and the crocodile were both shouting and yelling.

Brian finally strangled the crocodile and let it float to the top of the pool like a dead goldfish after what seemed like an eternity.

Brian stepped out of the pool, weary, with everyone looking at him in surprise.

โ€œWell, Brian, I think I owe you a million dollars then,โ€ the millionaire responded.

โ€œNo way, boss, I donโ€™t want it,โ€ Brian replied.

So the millionaire says, โ€œMan, I have to offer you something. You won the wager. How about a million dollars?โ€

โ€œNo, thanks, I donโ€™t want it,โ€ Brian said emphatically.

The millionaire again says, โ€œCome on, I have to give you something. That was incredible. What about a brand-new Porsche, a Rolex, and some stock options?โ€

Again, Brian said, โ€œNo.โ€

โ€œWell, Brian, then what do you want?โ€ the rich man inquired, perplexed.

โ€œI want the bastard who pushed me in,โ€ said Brian.

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An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End.

On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australian aborigine to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the sea.

The Americans were incredulous.

Later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an aborigine.

He had one ear pressed to the white line, whilst his left leg was held high in the air.

The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate aborigine.

โ€œJacky,โ€ said the tour guide, โ€œwhat are you tracking and what are you listening for?โ€

The aborigine replied, โ€œDown the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute. Itโ€™s a red one. The left front tire is bald. The front ends out of whack, and him got bloody dents in every panel. There are 9 black fellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry. There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat.โ€

The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.

โ€œGod man, how do you know all that?,โ€ asked one.

The aborigine replied, โ€œI fell out off the pucken thing about half an hour ago!โ€

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What do you call an aboriginal hanging in a tree?

Abocado.

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A ranger was assigned the task of hunting buffalo. He hired an aboriginal scout to assist him. They set out on their expedition to find buffalo.

After a while, the scout dismounts, places his ear to the ground, and says, โ€œHumm, buffalo come.โ€

The ranger looks around with his binoculars but sees nothing.

โ€œI see nothing,โ€ he says to the scout, โ€œhow do you know buffalo are coming?โ€

โ€œEar sticky,โ€ says the scout.

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What do you say to an aborigine bloke from Australia who worked in I.T.?

โ€œDo you come from a LAN down under?โ€

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Who were the first people in Australia to have a six-pack?

The Ab-originals.

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An Australian aborigine owns a boomerang that will not return to him no matter how many times he throws it.

Frustrated, he seeks assistance from the witch doctor.

When the witch doctor asks where he obtained the boomerang, the aborigine says it was from a souvenir shop on Ayerโ€™s Rock.

The witch doctor says, โ€œYou bloody fool, didnโ€™t you see the sign by the cash register that says โ€˜NO RETURNSโ€™.โ€

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What do you call an aboriginal in a lamp?

An abori-genie.

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What do you call an aboriginal rolling down a hill?

Abolanche.

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Did you know that someone tried contacting the aboriginals in Australia via smoke signal?

But the line was always busy.

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