A Man Walks Into a Bar Jokes



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A Man Walks Into a Bar Jokes


A man walks into a bar and orders a bottle of whiskey and drinks it all.

Tipsy, he now orders half a bottle of whiskey.

Drunk, he orders a glass of whiskey.

Heavily drunk and in a sorry state, he now orders half a glass of whiskey.

Then he says, โ€œThatโ€™s weird. The less I drink, the drunker I get.โ€

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Did you hear about the blue man who walked into a bar?

He was feeling quite cyan.

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A man walked into a Florida bar with his crocodile and asked the bartender, โ€œDo you serve lawyers here?โ€

Bartender: โ€œSure.โ€

Man: โ€œGood. One beer for me and a lawyer for my crocodile.โ€

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A blind man walks into a bar...

And a wall, and a tree, and a cactus.

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A man runs into a bar and shouts, โ€œQuick! How tall is a penguin?!โ€

The bartender says, โ€œDepends. Less than 3 feet.โ€

The man cries out, โ€œOh my God! I just drove over a nun!โ€

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A man walks into a bar...

His alcoholism is destroying his family.

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A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.

The bartender asks, โ€œWhy have you got a fried egg on your head?โ€

The man replies, โ€œBecause boiled eggs fall off.โ€

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A man and his family walk into a bar.

Inside the bar, the manโ€™s youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating โ€œWorldโ€™s longest memoryโ€.

The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this sign is true.

The child asks, โ€œWhat did you have for breakfast 30 years ago?โ€

The Native American states, โ€œEggs.โ€

The child states that the native could have just made that up, and then later leaves the bar.

Years later, when the child returns with his own family, he sees the same Native American at the bar.

Walking up to the man, he states a stereotypical, โ€œHow!โ€

The Native American replies, โ€œScrambled.โ€

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A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender.

He says, โ€œYouโ€™ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?โ€ The bartender turns to the band and yells, โ€œFrank, Iโ€™ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!โ€

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A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut youโ€™ve ever seen.

โ€œGive me two shots of Jack Daniels,โ€ he says to the bartender. โ€œOne for me, and one for you.โ€

โ€œYou know, I donโ€™t drink on the job,โ€ the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.

Downing the drink, the man replies, โ€œAnd thatโ€™s why I like you better than my barber!โ€

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A bearded man walks into a bar, โ€œEverybodyโ€™s drinks are on me tonight!โ€

He then drank his beer, went to the restroom and shaved his beard.

later he went to the bartender and asked, โ€œHow much should I pay?โ€

โ€œNo, sir, a bearded gentleman has paid for your drink tonight.โ€

โ€œOk,โ€ and he left.

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