What happened to the guy who stole a pun?
He needed to be pun-ished.
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Their romance started by candlelight.
But it only lasted a wick.
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What did the newspaper say to the ice cream?
What’s the scoop?
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Why is Donald Trump so good at the racetrack?
He’s a stable genius.
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Yo mama so fat when she wears her yellow raincoat people yell out “taxi!”.
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It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle.
He just didn’t have the balls to do it.
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Why did the daughter start eating donuts?
Because her mother said, “You better eat hole foods.”
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Why is nostalgia like grammar?
We find the present tense and the past perfect.
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Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
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What do you call an extraterrestrial that speaks Portuguese?
A Brazalien.
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What are Michael Jackson’s pronouns?
He/Hee.
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What are bombing instructors in Jihad camps getting tired of hearing?
“OK Boomer!”
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I just found out that the UK doesn’t have a kidney bank.
But at least it has a Liverpool.
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Chuck Norris can make fire by rubbing together two pieces of ice.
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What’s the difference between a hedgehog and the Man U team bus?
The Man U bus has more pricks.
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Good morning!
Remember, life is too short to skip breakfast...
Or to wear matching socks.
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A beaver hit a wall.
And yells out dam.
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My friend said that my haircut makes me look like a rooster.
I said it’s a cock-a-doodle do.
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My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleep on the sofa.
I said that it made me feel manly like I was camping.
With a really angry bear somewhere close by...
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A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are:
1. Heart disease
2. Chuck Norris
3. Cancer
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