Whatβs a blueberryβs favorite song?
Anything from the Blue Album by Weezer.
π π π
Itβs nearing the end of the semester at a prestigious university of philosophy.
The 100+ students wait eagerly for the professor to enter the auditorium and begin their final exam. They all have their notebooks out, as the final is open book.
The professor enters and, without saying a word, puts his chair on top of his podium.
He announces to the class, βUsing everything that you know about philosophy, I want you to write an essay proving to me that this chair does not existβ.
The students begin furiously writing, all except one guy sitting in the far back. He writes something down, turns it in, and is gone in less than a minute.
A week passes and the students gather outside to view their grades, looking upon the posting in utter horror. Every one of them had failed the course... all except the one guy.
The students then gathered around him and asked him anxiously how he proved that the chair did not exist.
His reply:
βWhat chair?β
π π π
Itβs so hot that firecrackers light themselves.
π π π
I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.
It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.
π π π
What kind of car did the famous sushi chef drive?
A rolls rice.
π π π
The bed-and-breakfast I stayed at had a great view.
It was truly sight-resting.
π π π
The donut shop got robbed.
The burglars said they chose it because the shop was rolling in the dough.
π π π
CEO of Tesla invented solar-energy gathering grass!
I love the stuff. My only complaint is that it had a real e-lawn musk smell to it.
π π π
Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βTamara.β
βTamara, who?β
βTamara weβll have turkey leftovers!β
π π π
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.
π π π
How do you make a pool table laugh?
Tickle its balls.
π π π
How you can tell that Santa is real?
You can always sense his presents!
π π π
I said to my teacher, βI donβt think I deserved a zero for this exam.β
She said, βI agree, but I couldnβt give you any less.β
π π π
Yo momβs so fat Luke couldnβt believe she wasnβt a moon!
π π π
What did the man tell his friends who asked for his secret to preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving?
βEasy, I tell the bird he is going to die.β
π π π
Pepito asks his teacher, βTeacher, would you punish me for something I didnβt do?β
The teacher tells him, βNo, Pepito, of course not.β
Pepito responds, βThatβs good because I didnβt do my homework.β
π π π
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
π π π
What happened to the Elf on the Shelf who met a skunk?
He became elfully stinky!
π π π
Went to a party on the moon once.
Didnβt really like it, no atmosphere.
π π π
What do you call a fish who raps?
Swim Shady.
π π π