Funny Insults
Enjoy our team's carefully selected Insults Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom!
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Your head is so big, when you try to tie your shoes, you flip over.
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Yo head is so big if it were a bowling ball, score a strike every time.
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Yo head is so big, if I shot a basket with yo head it would get stuck in the rim.
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Your head is so big that the rest of your body will never get a tan.
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Your head is so big, the airlines charge you an extra $25 to bring it aboard.
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Your head is so big that you need to be careful to stay away from needles and pins, so it doesnβt pop.
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Wow, you must have extremely strong shoulders...
To hold that absolute mega-size head up.
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Your head is so big that you got booted from the stadium for blocking the skybox views.
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As a child, a lot of kids would shove things up their noses.
Did you use a bowling ball that they never got out again?
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Your head is so big that when it rains, your body never gets wet. Ever.
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Your forehead is so big, youβll never have enough hair for bangs.
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Your forehead is what happens when you keep your thoughts to yourself.
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I bet itβs cool, you can change the TV channels with your mind.
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At least youβll never go broke...
You can always rent out parking spots on your forehead.
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With a forehead like yours, Dora would get lost exploring it.
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The good news is that you could make a lot of money by selling billboard space on your forehead.
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I wasnβt staring at you...
I was trying to figure out if thatβs your forehead or the moon.
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Your forehead is so big you use an extra mattress as a pillow.
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Your forehead is so big that if Michelangelo ever started painting frescoes on your forehead, it would take him four years to complete it.
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Your forehead is so big it could carry all the passengers of the Titanic.
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Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.
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Your forehead is so big your entire face is on your chin.
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Your forehead is so big that the teachers use it as a whiteboard.
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Your forehead is so big, it gets home before you do.
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Yo mamaβs ears are so big she can hear what Iβm thinking.
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Yo mamaβs ears are so big she can hear sign language.
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Your ears are so big you donβt need a parachute when you go base jumping.
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Your ears are so big you use shower heads as earbuds.
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Your ears are so big you donβt need an alarm clock.
You can hear the sun come up in the morning.
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Why do retirees smile all the time?
Because they canβt hear a word youβre saying!
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I heard an uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like 40$.
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When I saw your hairline I thought you worked at McDonaldβs.
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Yo hairline is so bad when you look in the mirror yo hairline looks like an endangered specie.
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The lice in your head are starting to concern over deforestation.
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Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.
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What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
There have been sightings of UFOs.
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Yo mommaβs so fat, she carries her pet Bantha in her purse.
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Yo mommaβs cooking is so bad, Jabba wouldnβt feed it to Salacious Crumb.
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Yo mamma is so ugly, that not even Ewoks will let her into their clan.
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Yo mommaβs so fat, she dribbled the Death Star.
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Yo mommaβs so old, she changed Yodaβs first diaper.
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Yo mommaβs so ugly, they push her face in the dough to make Ugnaught cookies.
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Yo mommaβs so fat, Yoda couldnβt use the Force to move her.
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Yo mommaβs so fat, she could put Coruscant out of orbit.
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Yo mamaβs so hairy, that she gets mistaken for Chewbaccaβs cousin.
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Yo mamaβs so dumb, she thought a lightsaber has fewer calories!
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Yo momma is so fat, you have to make two lightspeed jumps just to get on her good side.
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Yo mamaβs back is so hairy, it looks like sheβs giving Chewbacca a piggyback ride.
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Yo mama so fat, that they covered her and used her as a death star.
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Yo mommaβs so big when she tripped in Mos Eisley, she landed in Mos Espa.
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Yo mama so fat, that the Sarlaac Pit couldnβt eat her!
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Yo momma so fat, when she farts, scientists on Tatooine think the star around Coruscant just went supernova.
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Yo mamaβs so stupid, Kylo Ren couldnβt force read her mind!
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Yo mommaβs so hairy, she looks like she has two Ewoks in a headlock.
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Yo mama is so old, she trained Yadaβs master in the force!
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Yo momma is so fat, she makes Jabba look like Calista Flockhart.
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Yo mamaβs so hairy, that people run up to her and say, βChewbacca, can I get your autograph?β
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Yo mommaβs so ugly, she makes a Gammorrean seem like an attractive date.
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Yo mama so stupid, Jar Jar questioned her existence!
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Yo mamaβs so fat, that Gardulla the Hutt had a boost in self-esteem after seeing her.
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Yo mama so fat, she pooped out the Death Star!
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Yo mammaβs so fat, that the Sarlacc rejected her as dinner.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, that even the Death Star couldnβt blow her up!
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Yo mamaβs so ugly, that they didnβt give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.
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Yo mama is so fat, she did the Kessel run instantly because she is on both sides of it.
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Yo mama is so tall, the Kaminoans had to look up to see her face.
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Yo mama so fat and ugly, she didnβt need a suit to play Jamba the Hutt.
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Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, it looks like Ewoks having a party when she talks.
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Yo mommaβs so hairy, when she went to the movie theater to see Star Wars, everybody screamed and said, βITβS CHEWBACCA!β
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Yo mamaβs so fat, that carbonite was encased in her.
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Yo mommaβs so fat, she uses Kamonians as toothpicks.
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Yo mamaβs so fat and full of bush, the Wookiees named their planet after her!
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Yo mamaβs so dumb, she thought that Jar Jar comes with pickles pickles.
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Yo mammaβs so fat, she canβt go to a spaceport because x-wings keep trying to land on her back.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, that only half her body was able to come out frozen from the carbon freezing chamber in Cloud City.
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Yo mamaβs so dumb, she wasnβt looking for the droids in the first place!
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Yo mammaβs so ugly, Rancors look at her and go, βDamn, dude, sheβs UGLY!β
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Yo mama so fat, Obi-Wan Kenobi said, βThatβs no moonβthatβs Yo mama!β
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Yo mommaβs so black, when she turned to the dark side the Sith became Jedis.
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Yo mammaβs so fat, I saw her using a Star Destroyer as an ironing board.
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Yo mamaβs so flatulent, that she forced the Mustafarians to wear masks!
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Yo mamaβs so weak-minded, that I got her to lead me to Jabba without using a Jedi mind trick!
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Yo mammaβs so stupid, she thought Darth Maul was a place to shop.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, that even stormtroopers canβt miss her.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, when Vader cut off her hand gravy would have come out had it not been cauterized by the lightsaber.
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Yo mamaβs so hairy, that when she was born she looked like Chewbacca!
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Yo mamaβs so ugly, that Wuher said, βWe donβt serve your kind here.β
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Yo moma is so fat, Luke Skywalker that yo moma was the Death Star.
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Yo mommaβs so stupid, that she thinks Jar Jar is filled with Peanut Butter Peanut Butter!
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Yo mamma is so stupid, she thought a red lightsaber was a red chili and ate it.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, Jabba the Hutt said, βHargh!β
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Yo mamaβs so flatulent, that she forced the sand people out of a single file.
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Yo momma so ugly, she makes even The Rancor cry.
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Yo mammaβs so ugly, they cut her Cantina scenes in Star Wars.
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Yo mama so fat, she played basketball with the Death Star.
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Yo momβs so fat, Luke couldnβt believe she wasnβt a moon!
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Yo mommaβs so fat, the Millenium Falcon can hide in her belly button.
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Yo mama so fat, that Wedge Antilles said, βLook at the size of that thing!β
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Yo mamma so hairy, that Han Solo mistaken her for Chewbackaο»Ώ.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, that she looks like Jabba the Hut before picture.
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Yo momma so stupid, she thought parsec was a unit of time.
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Yo momma is so dumb, she makes Gungans look smart.
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Yo mama so stupid, she went to Bangkok to get a TIE fighter!
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Yo mama so hairy, the only language she speaks is wookie.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, that the Kaminoans couldnβt use her as a host for clones since they couldnβt pierce her skin deep enough to draw blood.
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Yo momma so black, she makes Lando Calrissian look like Casper.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, that even the Death Star orbited her before Endor.
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Yo mammaβs so fat, I thought sheβd have Princess Leia on a leash beside her.
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Yo momma so fat, she prevents ships from going to hyperspace.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, her durasteel armor has stretch marks!
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Yo mamaβs so fat, that people on the Millenium Falcon keep saying, βThatβs no moon.β
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Yo mamaβs so fat, that she caused Kamino to flood when her water broke.
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Yo mommaβs so smelly, it would make a Hutt smell good.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, that if she was thrown into the second Death Starβs reactor core, she could have blown up the entire Imperial fleet.
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Yo mama so stupid, that she thought Star Wars was a war for stars.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, she blew up the Deathstar.
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Yo momma so dumb, Jar Jar has a higher IQ than her.
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Yo momma is so smelly, even Banthas want to run away from her as fast as possible.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, that the passengers of the Millenium Falcon mistook her for a small moon.
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Yo momma so dumb, she picked Jar Jar as her ambassador.
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Yo momma is so fat, The Whole Death Star can use her as a protection shield.
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I may be short, but short people can wear heels, ugly just canβt be fixed.
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Your mamaβs so short, she sat on a coin and her feet didnβt touch the ground.
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Your mama is so short, she doesnβt roll dice she pushes them.
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Your mama so short, she gotta use an elevator to go up each step.
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Your mommaβs hair is so short, she curls the hair with a grain of rice.
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Your mamaβs so short, that she makes Gary Coleman look like Shaquille OβNeal.
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Your mamaβs so short, that she has to look up to look down.
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Your mamaβs so short, that she does pull-ups on a staple.
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Your mamaβs so short, that she can play handball on the curb.
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Your mama so short, she sleeps in a mini house.
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Your mama so short, she needs a ladder to touch the ground.
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Your mama so short, she canβt say a thing without a miro phone!
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Your mommaβs so short she can bungee-jump off a curb!
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Your momma so short, she is the original Q-tip.
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Your mamaβs so short, you can make a life-size sculpture of her using one can of Play-Doh.
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Your mamaβs so short, that when she sneezes, she hits her head on the floor.
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Your mama is so short, she has to cuff her underwear.
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Your mamaβs so short, that she can run track around the toilet!
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Your mamaβs so short, that when I was dissinβ her, she tried to jump kick me in the ankle.
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Your mamaβs so short, that she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
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Your mamaβs so short, that she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.
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Your mamaβs so short, that she can limbo under the door.
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Your mamaβs so short, that her homies are the Keebler Elves.
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Your mamaβs so short, during the election, Donald Trump accidentally stepped on her, and he thought he stepped on a brownieο»Ώ.
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Your mamaβs so short, that when she sat on the curb her feet didnβt touch the ground.
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Your mamaβs so short, she does backflips under the bed.
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Your mama so short, she went under Trumpβs wallο»Ώ.
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Your mama so short, she doesnβt need the door, cause she can get through the mouse hole.
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Your mama so short, when she got in the car she couldnβt reach the steering wheel.
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Your mama so short, she thought the cracks in the sidewalk were part of a maze.
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Your mama so short, she committed suicide by jumping off the curb.
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Your mama is so small, she hangs glides on a Doritos!
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Your mama so short, you can see her feet on her driverβs license.
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Yo mama so poor, when I stepped on a cigarette to put it out, she said, βHey, who turned off the heat?β
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Yo mama so tall, even Titans can look up her skirt.
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Yo mama so poor, she waves around a Popsicle and calls it air conditioning.
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Yo mama so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.
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Yo mama so poor, she chases after the garbage truck with a shopping list.
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Yo mama so hairy, Bigfoot took her picture.
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Yo mama so hairy, she found herself in a cage at the zoo.
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Yo mama so tall, she tripped in America and landed in Australia.
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Yo mama so hairy, when she auditioned for Planet of the Apes, they made her pack leader.
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Yo mama so hairy, people wonder why she wears a fur coat to a nude beach.
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Yo mama so dumb, she thought Nickelback was a refund.
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Yo mama so dumb, she uses Old Spice body wash to cook.
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Yo mama so dumb, she thought Call of Duty was a game about pooping.
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Yo mama so dumb, when she got locked in a grocery store, she starved to death.
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Yo mama so dumb, her IQ is lower than Jeffy the Puppet.
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Yo mama so old, her birth certificate says, βExpiredβ.
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Yo mama so old, her breast milk is powder.
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Yo mama so old, her first Christmas was The First Christmas.
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Yo mama so old, her first cruise was on Noahβs Ark.
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Yo mama so old, her first pet was from Jurassic Park.
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Yo mama so old, not even the time stone could make her young.
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Yo mama so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Superbowl.
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Yo mama so stupid, she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.
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Yo mama so stupid, when she saw the McDonaldβs drive-through sign, she drove through the building.
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Yo mama so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr Pepper.
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Yo mama so stupid, the zombies walked past her because they didnβt smell any brains.
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Yo mama so stupid, she put her phone in airplane mode and thought she could fly.
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Yo mama so tall, when she did a backflip, she digs God in the face.
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Yo mama so ugly, when she watches TV, the channels change themselves.
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Yo mama so ugly, Freddy and his friends hide from her.
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Yo mama so ugly, Forever Alone Guy denied her friend request.
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Yo mama so ugly, the government decided to move Halloween to her birthday.
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Yo mama so fat, Rick and Morty thought her belly button was a portal to another dimension.
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Yo mama so fat, when I saw her on Tinder, swiped left and she was still on the screen.
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Yo mama so fat, NASA thought she was a planet.
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Yo mama so fat, her belt is the equator.
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Yo mama so fat, every time she took a step, it caused an earthquake.
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Yo mama so fat, when she ate an Avocado it was Nickado.
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Yo mama so fat, when she went to In-N-Out, she couldnβt get in nor out.
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Yo mama so fat, Naruto couldnβt make enough shadow clones to surround her.
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Yo mama so fat, her splash attack does damage.
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Yo mama so fat, every time she turns around itβs her birthday.
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Yo mama so fat, Donald Trump used her as the border wall.
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Yo mama so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
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Yo mama so fat, when she sat on the iPod, she made the iPad!
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Yo mama so fat, she wears two watches.
One for each time zone sheβs in.
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Yo mama so fat, Darth Vader couldnβt even force choke her.
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Yo mama so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
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Yo mama so fat, her blood type is Nutella.
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Yo mama so fat, she fed an entire zombie apocalypse.
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Yo mama so fat, Cupidβs arrows couldnβt pierce her.
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Yo mama so fat, the horse on her polo shirt is real.
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Yo mama so fat, when she wears her yellow raincoat, people yell out βtaxiβ!
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Yo mama so fat, her school pictures were taken by a satellite.
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Yo mama so fat, she uses the highway as a slip and slide.
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Yo mama so fat, not even Superman can lift her.
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Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and itβs still printing.
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Yo mama so fat, when she lands in Fortnite, she gets a Victory Royale.
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Yo mamaβs so stupid, she thought Fortnite was fork night.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, she crashed the Fortnite servers.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, not even a ninja could carry her in a Fortnite battle.
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Yo mama so stupid, she tried to smell her own nose.
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Yo mommaβs nose so big, you can go bowling with her boogers!
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Yo moma so lazy, she sticks her nose out the door and let the air blow it.
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Yo mamaβs so stupid she combs the hair in her nose and not on her head.
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Yo mamaβs nose is so big, she can smell a fart coming.
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Yo mamaβs nose hairs are so long that they make Bobobo jealous!
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Yo mamaβs breath is so bad that when she talks her nose hairs fall out.
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Yo mama so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill she squeezed a booger out of George Washingtonβs nose.
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You are the only person that can smoke a cigarette in the rain with your hands tied on your back. Your nose is like a natural canopy.
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You must love staying outdoors. I hear plants make oxygen just for you.
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You got the whole world in your nose. How lucky are you.
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When you laugh the whole world will laugh with you. But if you sneeze, the world will say goodbye to you.
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Your nose was on time, but you must have been a few minutes late.
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Your nose is so big that when you sneeze... Everyone runs for cover!
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Yo Mama so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.
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Why donβt blondes eat bananas?
They canβt find the zipper.
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Yo Mama is so old, sheβs got a Bible autographed by Jesus.
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Why donβt men with beards need a vacuum?
Because they already have a crumb catcher on their faces.
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Yo mama is so ugly, her hairline is receding just to get away from her face.
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What do you call a man who falls overboard and canβt swim?
Bob.
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What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lilly.
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What do you call a man who stamps letters at the post office for a living?
Frank.
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What do you call a man who has cat scratches all over his face?
Claude.
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What do you call a man who fixes potholes for a living?
Phil.
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What do you call a lady who is hanging from a roof?
Eve.
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What do you call a man who is always sitting on the toilet?
Lou.
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What do you call a man who is unable to stand up?
Neal.
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What do you call a man who keeps vomiting?
Chuck.
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What do you call a man who is always stealing stuff?
Rob.
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Why was the man with the big nose sad?
He could really smell his feet!
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Your nose is so big that when you lie on your back in the pool, people think itβs a shark!
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Yo mama so stupid, when she threw a grenade at me, I pulled the pin and threw it back.
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Your mama so stupid, she put a watch in the piggy bank and said she was saving time.
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Your mama so stupid, she cut holes in her umbrella to see if it was raining.
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Your mama so stupid, she yelled into an envelope because she wanted to send a voicemail.
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Your mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.
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Yo mama so small, she has to wear a torn napkin as a dress.
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Your mama so short, she has to hold a sign up that says, βDonβt spit, I canβt swimβ.
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Yo mama so old, she rode dinosaurs to school.
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Your mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work.
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Your mama so short, people thought she was a Funko Pop.
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Yo mama is so hot, she makes the sun sweat.
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Yo mama so hot, when she got into the Arctic Ocean, it turned into a hot tub.
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Your mama so hot, when she visits Antarctica, locals call it summertime.
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Your mama so hot, rangers banned her from National Parks for starting forest fires.
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Your mama so hot, her hugs give third-degree burns.
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Your mama so hot, scientists deemed her the leading cause of global warming.
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Your mama so dumb, she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's.
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Your mama so dumb, she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
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Your mama so dumb, she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
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Your mama so dumb, she watches βThe Three Stoogesβ and takes notes.
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Your mama so dumb, she bought a solar-powered flashlight.
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Your mama so old, she farts dust!
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Your mama so old, when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick!
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Your mama so old, when she was young, rainbows were black and white!
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Your mama so old, her driver's license got hieroglyphics on it!
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Yo mama so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma!
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Your mama so ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the cameras.
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Your mama so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals."
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Your mama so ugly, the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
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Yo mama so fat, she left the house in high heels and when she came back, she had on flip flops.
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Your mama so fat, she sat on a dollar and when she got up there were 4 quarters.
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Your mama so fat, when she gets on the scale it says, βto be continued.β
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Your mama so fat, she gets group insurance!
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Your mama so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall!
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Yo Mama's appetite is so huge, she uses a truck to carry her popcorn to the movies.
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Yo Mama's so disgusting, she keeps maggots as pets.
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Yo momma's arm-pits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.
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Your mama's got a leather wig with suede sideburns.
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You so dumb, you have to stop during track workouts to ask for directions.
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You so dumb, you once tried to exchange a bib number because you thought the whole thing was printed upside down.
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Yo daddy is so stupid that he got locked in a grocery store and starved!
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Yo mama so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
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Yo mama is so dumb and hungry, the only letters in the alphabet she knows are K.F.C.
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Your mama is so dumb, when dad said itβs chilly outside she brought a spoon and a bowl.
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Yo momma so dumb, when yβall were driving to Disneyland, she saw a sign that said βDisneyland leftβ, so she went home.
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Yo momma is so dumb, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
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Yo mama so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
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Yo momma is so old, I slapped her in the back and her boobs fell off.
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Yo momma so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
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Yo Mama is so old, Adam and Eve were at her graduation ceremony.
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Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was just a prince.
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Yo mama is so ugly, that most Snapchat filters make her better looking.
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Yo mama so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
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Your mama is so ugly, she made One Direction go in another direction.
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Your momma so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks!
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Yo momma is so ugly, she made an onion cry.
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Yo momma is so stupid, when I said, βDrinks are on the house,β she got a ladder.
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Yo mamaβs so stupid, she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said βconcentrateβ.
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Yo momma is so stupid, when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldnβt find the βCALLβ button.
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Yo Mamaβs so stupid, she thinks Los Angeles is where God lives with all his angels.
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Yo mama so stupid, I said, βKool-Aid,β and she jumped through the wall.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, when she fell I didnβt laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
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Yo mama is so fat, that the National Weather Service names each of her farts.
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Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, βI need your weight, not your phone number.β
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Yo momma so fat, she canβt reach her back pocket.
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Yo mama so fat, when she died, she broke the stairway to heaven.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.
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Why donβt blondes call 911 when they are in an emergency?
Because they canβt find the number eleven on their phone.
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How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
You tell her a joke on Wednesday.
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