The woman asks her husband, “Do you prefer a beautiful woman or an intelligent woman?”
The husband replies, “None of them, you know I only like you!”
😄 😄 😄
Guess what happened to the man who was addicted to doing the “Hokey Pokey”?
He turned himself around.
😄 😄 😄
We went to a wedding and my drunk wife asked me what I thought of her dancing.
I said, “You are just staggering.”
😄 😄 😄
A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, “Trick or treat?”
I looked at him and asked, “What have you come as?”
He said, “A werewolf.”
I said, “But you’re not wearing a costume. You’ve just got your normal clothes on.”
He said, “Yeah well, it’s not a full moon yet, is it?”
😄 😄 😄
Ole and Lena got married.
After a beautiful ceremony and a fun but modest reception, they got in Ole’s car and headed out on their honeymoon.
When they reached Saint Paul, Ole put his hand on Lena’s knee.
Lena said, “Ole, we’re married now. You can go farder.”
So Ole drove to Duluth.
😄 😄 😄
One day I’m going to open a furniture store named Sofa King.
That way I can make late night tv commercials and shout “Our prices are sofa king low!”.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Abbie and Mannie.”
“Abbie and Mannie, who?”
“Abbie birthday and Mannie happy returns of the day!”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so hairy the only language she speaks is wookie.
😄 😄 😄
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approaches him and beats him up.
Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station.
Herman walks into the Sergeant’s office.
“What happened to you? the officer asks.
“A gang of snails beat me up,” Herman replied.
“Can you describe what they looked like?”
“I don’t know,” the sloth says. “It all happened so fast.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did Mars turn permanently red?
Because it saw Uranus.
😄 😄 😄
If you ever name your kid Autumn...
Whenever they go out of the room, start singing “The Autumn Leaves...”.
😄 😄 😄
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while.
They’re normally around 90 degrees.
😄 😄 😄
How do Tusken Raiders cheat on their taxes?
They always single file, to hide their numbers.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call it when someone says it’s June in July?
Ju-lie.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so cold, your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
A woolly jumper.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the band hire a turkey as a drummer?
Because he had the drumsticks!
😄 😄 😄
What happens when developers ask a silly question?
They get a silly ANSI.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot that my popcorn seeds start popping.
😄 😄 😄
I have a lot of experience catching women who’ve been thrown off their feet, feel free to fall.
😄 😄 😄
